afghanistan
Growing hysteria about radiation-rich tap water deemed “unfit for babies” (someone’s picky!) has led to a bottled water shortage in Tokyo. And while supermarkets have plenty of vegetables and fine meats, there’s hardly any instant noodles to purchase — not even for ready money. (Similar to a glass of water, a Styrofoam cup of chicken-flavored [...]
Another proud product of Wasilla, Alaska, Army Specialist Jeremy Morlock has plead guilty to three counts of murder for killing Afghan civilians to pass the time when he wasn’t killing the other kind of Afghans. But that’s not all! Some of Morlock’s comrades have also been charged with following his lead to murder these people, [...]
War schlub David Petraeus did one of his “report cards to the Senate” things today, and he’s got good news! Despite never accomplishing* a single thing in 10 years of bloody, pointless, horrific boondoggle Central Asian warfare, “It is only recently that we have gotten the inputs right in Afghanistan.” Oh, now we get it! [...]
Sarah Palin told Sean Hannity that she is embarrassed for Republicans — embarrassed! — because they are so squeamish about cutting the budget. What a bunch of faeries! “We need much greater cuts,” said Sarah, in the most unspecific and worthless way possible. “Republicans need to be bold and strong and they need those steel [...]
Tacky hairpiece Donald Trump has a higher teevee/approval rating than Mittens, Tim Pawlenty and John Boehner, according to a new WSJ/NBC poll. Nine percent of those polled had a “very positive” opinion of The Donald, while seventeen percent were “somewhat positive” about having this reality teevee joke run for president, for a combined total of [...]
According to Rolling Stone, a music periodical primarily concerned with the U.S. military, a lieutenant general serving in Afghanistan, William Caldwell, ordered a “psychological operations” team to target U.S. senators and other “VIPs” visiting Afghanistan who met with him to “leverage the delegation for more funds” and “give us more people.” Apparently some senators are [...]
According to the London Times, David Petraeus is going to leave his command in Afghanistan by the end of the year. Then the Pentagon said that wasn’t going to happen. And then some more speculation happened. One possibility is to replace Adm Mike Mullen, who is chairman of the US joint chiefs of staff. [...] [...]
Here is your weekly economic forecast: John Boehner has been really constipated lately, so please stop asking when he’ll squeeze all of those new jobs out of his anus. Besides, only nerds care about job growth. What’s important is how the public perceives our failing economy. And “24% say they are hearing mostly bad news [...]
John Boehner will create more jobs today by forcing members of Congress to take turns reading passages from the United States Constitution, because one of the new “rules” is that the 112th Congress has to “do something third graders would do, in social studies class” before they can begin the business of the day (shouting [...]
When U.S. Marines took over Helmand’s unruly Sangin district (sometimes called “Afghanistan’s Fallujah,” apparently) from British forces in September, most American military officials assumed we would have to murder everyone, just like we did in the real Fallujah. (Google “U.S. war crimes in Fallujah.” Not suitable for work, unless you are allowed to look at [...]
Self-proclaimed “street guy” who also is “chairman of a country club political party” Michael Steele is expected to say all sorts of preposterous things during the first RNC spoken word debate this evening. And Michael is already mowing down the competition: Bunk-ass hater Gentry Collins, a former RNC political director best known for writing a [...]
