airports
Token black GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain knows a thing or two about hiring low-wage workers to carry around his company’s shitty pizzas, and that’s why he’s quite sure black people in America are “brainwashed” and can’t “think for themselves.” But this is changing, according to Herman Cain’s math (the Chilean model?), which goes like [...]
76-year-old Republican Sen. James Inhofe of Oklahoma landed his Cessna plane on a closed runway at Cameron County Airport in Texas last October despite people telling the crazy old man in the hurtling death machine he was not allowed to land there. According to FAA documents, Inhofe “‘sky hopped’ over the six vehicles and personnel [...]
Hey look, it’s that one television character and Chuck Schumer at the airport, and the television character isn’t interested in being forced to stand for another photo, much less with a guy who wants to ban bath salts, of all things. (You can stop watching at around the 1:00 mark.) [tvia Wonkette operative "Monsieur Grumpe']
You might think a nationwide workforce so well-trained in stealing iPods and loose change would be able to withstand a few “nah I don’t want to get cancer” opt-outs, but that is not the case! The government’s finest child-molesting force is so fragile and worthless that “just one or two recalcitrant passengers at an airport [...]
Hmm, maybe this generally apathetic country will actually rise up against something! They really don’t want other people to see their privates; they just want to see other people’s privates. Anyway, if you do any sort of thing to TSA agents right now, you will be famous! According to police, John A. Christina, 51, admitted [...]
Guess who’s pushing for these radiation/porn camera tubes in every airport, to first debase you and then kill you with cancer? Hollow-eyed death monster Michael Chertoff, former director of Homeland Security! He’s now a lobbyist for the death-porn humiliation chambers, which is why it’s very important to security — his financial security — that you [...]
LARRY KING’S DOODLE ASSAULTED AT AIRPORT: Larry King flew on his first commercial flight since 9/11 recently, AND BOY IT WAS AN EXPERIENCE, CRIMINY! “They had to give me the complete body search. So I had to stand there with [my] arms [out], and they are talking with me at the same time, ‘loved the [...]
SOMEONE SAID ‘PENIS’ SO HERE IS A POST ABOUT IT: James Carville is so excited to pass through possible heightened airport security checks: “Let me buy a [security] pass … so that they can scan me and and search me and measure my penis, then let me get on the plane.” Everyone in the TSA [...]
HOORAY, NOW CONGRESS CAN NEVER RETURN: America’s Airport is being attacked by Ronald Reagan’s ghost, who hasn’t been receiving royalties! “Washington (CNN) — An electrical failure in the system that feeds Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport interrupted flights Monday and prompted additional security measures, airport officials told CNN. ‘The failure is outside the airport,’ said [...]
A Wonkette airport ATM-monitoring operative ran into profound Sen. David Vitter last night at Reagan National, and they even shared a flight! HE SHOULD BE READING THE BILL THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS. Not only did he withdraw cash from an ATM — he probably changed his mind in the heat of the moment and did want [...]
Seems the National Review erred in dubbing Sonia Sotomayor the one “Wise Latina” on Earth, because, as Joe Klein might say, if she’s so smart then why can’t she walk? “WASHINGTON (AP) – Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor broke her ankle Monday morning in an airport stumble on her way to Washington to meet with [...]
George W. Bush, that guy who dances sometimes and gave up golf for the troops, is spending the waning days of his presidency touring the world and bumming out millions of foreigners every day. About a week and a half ago, it was Great Britain’s turn to be wildly inconvenienced by the American President.
