al qaeda
Good news, everyone! Ever since launching major foreign invasions got a little too expensive and pointless (mostly expensive) even for Congress, and Times Are Tough, our nations’ lawmakers have decided to start “focusing on the domestic issues” like everyone keeps asking them to do, ad nauseum. But since it is impossible for Congress to agree [...]
Anything besides hurricane news today? Yes! The Pentagon or the CIA or whatever corporation runs the robot death drone planes that constantly rain bombs on brown people throughout the world just announced that about a week ago, one of those robot death drone planes dropped a couple of million-dollar bombs somewhere and one of those [...]
Excess skin collection bucket Mike Huckabee has been having a ball ever since he discovered how devastatingly cheaply Taiwanese animators are able to computer visualize his conservative evangelical sex fantasies. His library of cartoon videos is so far is mostly fantasia flavors of “Reagan + Jesus kill black muggers and Nazis,” which are all pretty [...]
“He talks about targeting priorities,” the counterterror official said. “He says the president is of course the top target if you could get a shot at him. Also the military chiefs like the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the defense secretary, top military people. There is a note indicating that the vice president [...]
This weekend, the U.S. released parts of videos found on the number of hard drives that were not used by Osama bin Laden for illegally downloaded Wes Anderson movies. The videos, such as the one above of the famewhore murderer watching himself on teevee and switching the channel when his friend Barry Hussein comes on [...]
Hey look, it’s those socially awkward cavemen who have BIG PLANS to push a train onto its side or whatever. WATCH OUT FOR THESE BANDITS, YE OLDE ROBBER BARONS. THEY HAVE AN IDEOLOGY! Al-Qaeda has confirmed the death of its leader, Osama Bin Laden, according to a statement attributed to the group and posted on [...]
From Iran’s semi-state-run news agency: The US has killed the Al-Qaeda leader, Osama Bin Laden, in a bid to prevent any possible leakage of intelligence and information about the US-Al-Qaeda joint terrorist operations, a senior Iranian legislator underscored on Monday. He just wanted to underscore that, in case everyone forgot about that widely accepted fact. [...]
In the midst of all the celebrations that good finally defeated evil yesterday, there is this fact: the U.S. got the leads that allowed it to find and kill Osama bin Laden from two men: Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and Al Qaeda “operations chief” Abu Faraj al-Libi. These men have been kept in secret CIA prisons [...]
In addition to bin Laden, at least three other people were killed in the operation, U.S. officials said, including a man they believe to be one of Bin Laden’s sons. Officials said that the action also claimed the life of a woman whom one of bin Laden’s aides used as a human shield, they said. [...]
Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula — the same folks who brought you Printer Cartridge Bombs — flirted briefly with the idea of POISONING SALAD BARS at hotels and restaurants, according to U.S. officials! Yes, this plot would have killed millions of diabetic, salad-loving Americans. Every motel lobby would have been littered with obese corpses, [...]
Rep. Peter King is going to be the new chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee next month, but some people (i.e., terrorists) have a problem with this, because Peter King has a habit of saying really bigoted things about Muslims. This hurt Peter King’s feelings so much that he got all defensive and penned [...]
Ho ho ho, Merry AL QAEDA WILL KILL US ALL, and to all a good night! This is not a joke, people: Iraqi authorities have “obtained confessions” (“obtained” — is that what they call it now?) from captured insurgents who say Al Qaeda is “planning suicide attacks in the United States and Europe during the [...]
Inspire, which is Al-Qaeda’s English-language magazine, but, going by its name, sounds like it should be sitting next to Oprah’s magazine at the checkout counter, has claimed responsibility for a recent, failed plot to explode printer cartridges on cargo planes. First of all, is there anything lamer than this magazine? This thing is more childish [...]
