alaska
“Total Write-In” has defeated Joe Miller in Alaska, 41%-34%, with 98.6% reporting. So are we ready to declare facial hair dead in the Senate once again? Of course not. We have no idea how many of those 81,876 voters counted so far in the write-in column are actually for “Lisa Murkowski” precisely. If even 8,000 [...]
“Yo, fuck the media,” Sarah Palin says every morning, before going to work as a paid teevee media personality/shooting another episode of her reality teevee show, “Palin vs. Wild.” Do you see what’s happening here? The Media created Sarah Palin, and now this Alaskan Frankenstein creature has turned on them and will surely eat all [...]
Meg Whitman has finally realized that she can’t buy the Governorship of California on eBay — which really sucks for her, because she has already spent hundreds of millions of her own dollars trying to do exactly that! So on to Plan B: Deport her former housekeeper, the Illegal Mexican Nicky Diaz Santillan! It “breaks [...]
The Alaska Supreme Court carefully inspected your convoluted Lisa Murkowski “visual aids” and — after probably no deliberation — ruled unanimously that those MS Paint atrocities are actually unconstitutional visual impediments and are unfair to Alaska’s already hopeless electorate. So hooray, you’ve forced polling places to provide lists of the write-in candidates. Now Alaskan voters [...]
YEAH! FILL IN THAT BUBBLE! YEAH! FILL IT UP! JOE MILLER THAT SHIT! This ballot could use more flannel and beard, though. [YouTube]
Alaskan teabagger hero Joe Miller ran away again when questioned about his service-connected disabilities, this time after a Sunday evening TV debate held at the Alaska Native Heritage Center Museum in Anchorage. The Republican candidate for Senate continued to ignore demands that he identify his service-connected disabilities and his official “percentage disabled.” How much is [...]
Alaskan Senate hopeful and semi-bearded teabagger Joe Miller literally ran away from a question about his disabled-veteran status during last night’s “Meet and Greet” session in Anchorage. In a roomful of 50 people — most supporters and well wishers — Miller was asked to identify his service-connected disability and his official “percentage disabled.” Panic swept [...]
“Drug czar” Gil Kerlikowske is the saddest man in America. First he can’t wage a write-in campaign for U.S. Senate in Alaska because his name is even more difficult to spell than that of Lisa Murkowski. And now, on his watch, we’re legalizing Mary Jane! Poor guy has apparently been driven off the wagon. The [...]
Dear Liberal Alaska Media: Joe Miller was not flirting with you when he said “I will not answer anymore questions about myself or my campaign, get bent.” Sure, you might have been confused because isn’t Joe Miller running for United States Senate? Maybe. Or maybe you should mind your own business? Either way, Joe Miller [...]
Joe Miller is not your average Republican Senate nominee from Alaska, because who are the two other people in Alaskan history to receive the Republican nomination? Ted Stevens — who is extremely dead — and Lisa Murkowski, that loser. Joe Miller is alive, he wears flannel and he is a winner. Imagine if Paul Bunyan [...]
In perhaps the most important decision since Roe v. Wade or maybe even Thomas Jefferson v. Illegitimate Slave Children, a federal judge upheld Barack Obama’s sinister “health insurance for everyone” death pyramid scheme. Legal scholars around the world are puzzled as to why the judge ruled in favor of Communism and against the patriot-plaintiffs, a [...]
It is ABSOLUTELY IMMORAL that Levi Johnston would trade on his Palin fame by appearing in a music video. That family’s life is private and should not be exploited for money. What’s that? Teenage girls’ anti-abortion hero and Dancing with the Stars personality Bristol Palin is appearing in a music video also? Well good for [...]
Todd and Sarah Palin have responded to the leak of Todd’s e-mail to Joe Miller yesterday, and it’s basically, “What? That wasn’t controversial. Lamestream media!” Earlier this afternoon, Todd sent a message to The Weekly Standard, saying his “wires got crossed” with Joe Miller (is that a sex thing?) and that “Joe hadn’t said anything [...]
A couple of sketchy Connecticut politicians battled by cue cards last night, in hopes of winning an all-expenses-paid six-year vacation with Joe Lieberman. Who were our lucky contestants? There’s Attorney “Four Star” General Richard Blumenthal, who previously got in a bit of trouble for claiming to be Vietnam, which is a blatant exaggeration. And then [...]
