arizona
Roving gangs of unruly Arizona Teatards showed up to a John McCain town hall meeting to do the usual: holler and gnash their teeth and complain about the price of scooter fuel and double deep fried Oreos. Not news! But the butthurt contingent of lunatics also demanded that WALNUTS apologize for that one recent time [...]
Arizona’s fearful wingnut hordes are used to hearing many words they do not understand coming out of the teevee, but their finely tuned hate sensors picked up on one of those incomprehensible sounds recently because it had sort of a murderous jihad-y ring to it. “Haboob” is the word, an Arabic term for “dust storm” [...]
There are many actual “Mexican-looking people” who live alongside their humorless Teabagger neighbors always crowding Arizona’s legislative agenda with endless bills to outlaw brown skin, a project which brown-skinned people mysteriously do not appreciate. Luckily for people who do not love ethnic warfare, however, some of these Latino people are both tired of this and [...]
Whatever is in the drinking water in Arizona lately seems to be spreading: in the small town of Quartzite, the Orwellian “town council” of overlords declared the mayor fired and the sheriff in charge of everything, martial law, everyone must wear hoods, etc., because of threats to The Council. It began when these council members [...]
Every day Arizona Republicans work just a little bit harder to more closely resemble the violent idiot parody rife with blood-soaked hillbillies wandering around shooting at each other that we usually picture when we think about this state. State senator Lori Klein is today’s cartoonishly moronic protagonist, for pulling a loaded gun out of her [...]
Old white people in Arizona were warned to unplug their ‘puters Thursday night, because a group of mysterious hackers called “Lulz Security” broke into the state’s law enforcement network and released millions of illegal Mexican computer things into the computer world, the New York Times reports. The virtual Mexicans might somehow get through the Internet [...]
Professional quitters the Palin clan are working on their resume again: Bristol Palin is moving out of her Phoenix narcomansion only six months after she paid $172,000 in cash for it. She’s renting it out for $1,400 a month so that YOU TOO can wake up each day in the angry meth wonderland exurbs of [...]
Is Rep. Gabrielle Giffords about to be recalled for not showing up for work, because she was shot and nearly killed when she did show up to work, on a weekend in Tucson? No, she probably won’t be recalled. Only 165 people have signed the online petition so far, and even a few of them [...]
Is crazy Arizona ready for two Palin residences? If the local papers there are to be believed, there’s not really any choice in the matter now. After reality-star/abstinent teen mom Bristol Palin bought a foreclosure far from the action last year, it seems glamorous mom Sarah has dropped $1.6 million in Rupert Murdoch Ca$h on [...]
For those Americans who think of Arizona at all, there are two distinct parts of the forty-eighth state: the beautiful natural scenery and the awful white residents. But a brave band of liberal revolutionaries in the smart-person stronghold of Pima County is reviving a 45-year-old plan to split Tuscon and the surrounding Sonoran desert from [...]
Arizona finally made it official: It married a gun. Jan Brewer signed the infamous bill naming the Colt Single Action Army Revolver the state’s official gun yesterday. Congratulations! We’re so happy for you crazy kids (and we mean crazy). It was surely a beautiful ceremony attended by many and their guns, and although Arizona is [...]
BREAKING: GOOD THINGS DO HAPPEN IN THE WORLD FROM TIME TO TIME “I’m told there is nothing that equals the rumble of the earth when this giant manmade force lifts off,” said C. J. Karamargin, the congresswoman’s spokesman, who will also be at the launching. “For the congresswoman to attend is another milestone in her [...]
Good news for circumcised Jewish men who wish to become the American President: Just bring whatever piece of paper the random drunken mohel gave your mother at your Brit milah back when you were eight days old, and you can be on the Arizona ballot. New Times reports from Phoenix: If you can’t find your [...]
