Mark Foley’s Name Will Be Cleared!
Friday, September 19th, 2008
A long time ago right before this current presidential campaign began, in 2006, there was a charming middle-aged Florida bachelor congressman named Mark Foley who loved to masturbate while typing dirty messages to the boy-children who served as Congressional pages. Occasionally, he would show up drunk at the boy-page barn and demand some action. There is nothing wrong with this, and Congressmen wouldn’t have those young supple pages supplied by the government if not to fuck those kids, right? MORE »
A long time ago right before this current presidential campaign began, in 2006, there was a charming middle-aged Florida bachelor congressman named Mark Foley who loved to masturbate while typing dirty messages to the boy-children who served as Congressional pages. Occasionally, he would show up drunk at the boy-page barn and demand some action. There is nothing wrong with this, and Congressmen wouldn’t have those young supple pages supplied by the government if not to fuck those kids, right? MORE »
Ahh, it’s nice to see America’s Lawyer Class bravely challenging the fascist state’s overreach with a devastating reach-around of its own: “An attorney for U.S. Sen. Larry Craig told a Minnesota appeals court Wednesday that the lawmaker should be able to withdraw his guilty plea to a charge stemming from a gay sex sting arrest because there’s not enough evidence he did anything illegal.” Can you imagine being this attorney for U.S. Sen. Larry Craig? Obviously he knows that his client sucks more cock on any given trip to the airport than a large group of evangelical preachers does on a three-week sojourn to Thailand for “missionary work.” And yet there he is, in court today, trying to overturn a minor GUILTY PLEA for a lame-duck gay clown. [
Wonkette linguistics operative “Shih Tzu” sends us a variety of hilarious anagrams for “Sarah Palin” and “Sarah Heath Palin.” (She is named after the dead joker, Heath Ledger, which is offensive.) “Sarah Palin gets you Sharia Plan — Palin is clearly a stealth Muslim radical. Sarah Heath Palin gets you Ha Ha, Alpine Trash, which is kind of mean. It also gets you Ahh Shit, Anal Rape.” Well my stars, this Sarah Palin is no role model for our daughters. [
Because nothing is more important to Americans than the nexus of politics and “Dancing With the Stars,” we are pleased to report that Sara Evans — apparently a Nashville pop singer and champion dancer — has left the hit show because her 
Future Foley news analysis headlines: 
No one has done more to ruin Sen. Rick 
The jury in the Enron criminal case has returned with a verdict, and the news is not good for the defendants. 
Here’s a portion of the 
Original Wonkette, Ana Marie Cox, sent us this meta-report (including a super top-secret look at the notes passed at the Cool Kids Table — had Sir Evans noticed, he surely would’ve demanded they read them before the entire class) after finding 