assholes
The derelict city of Detroit is finally “getting serious” about razing thousands of boarded-up abandoned houses, and the worst ghetto crackhouse of all will soon be bulldozed: the childhood mansion of Mitt “Mittens” Romney. The Romneys and their servants once lived a life of Mormon Aristocracy in the five-bedroom two-story 5,500-square-foot estate in the once-grand [...]
America’s favorite funnyman and backstabbing corporate ass-kisser, Jay Leno, is sure excited about being the hired entertainment at the Washington press corps’ trade-show banquet! One thing that’s great is you get to glad-hand a bunch of politicians and entertainment figures, and there’s nothing Jay Leno loves more than acquiescence to idiot celebrities, the powerful and [...]
Once General Secretary Obama and Chief Commissar Pelosi have banned all capitalist activity more advanced that barter and turned Lower Manhattan into a giant open-air market for selling organic produce and hemp blankets, what will become of the tightly wound young men who made all that money for you and me, right up until the [...]
Texas has arrived! Just look at the Newsweek cover, which blasts the state’s new marketing slogan, “Don’t Mess With Texas,” and features a picture of America’s oldest teenaged runaway, Rick Perry, showing off his indigenous footwear. (Free snake farm tickets for anyone who can decipher the boot hieroglyphics.) Inside there’s a bunch of articles about [...]
Whoa hey when’s that Mayan Apocalypse thing, anyway? Is that what this nice lady is talking about? Because we’re pretty sure the election is in November, of this year, seven months from now. And if any Teabaggers magically win seats in Congress, they’ll be sworn in and just cold repealin’ everything to each other long [...]
Eric Cantor is very upset about Democrats being upset about Teabagger-Republicans attacking the homes and offices of Democratic politicians. So, you Democrats stop complaining about that stuff. Just take it, like …. uhh, like Eric Cantor.
JIM BUNNING IS AMERICA’S BIGGEST ASSHOLE: “The federal government Monday began to furlough workers, jobless Americans faced disruption of their unemployment checks and health insurance, and doctors saw Medicare fees decline — all as a result of a one-man roadblock for a Senate spending bill.” [Chicago Tribune]
World-class asshole Mitt Romney was flying back from the Winter Olympics — he must always remind everyone that he worked at the Winter Olympics once — when a fellow passenger tried to punch him out. Already a perfect story, right? WELL IT GETS BETTER, because the reason the guy attacked Romney is because Romney was [...]
Let’s check in with the Southerners, America’s old-fashioned obese bigots. Oh, here’s one: Bill James, proprietor of a shitty wingnut website (ACORN breaks the law! criminals are Negroid!) and county commissioner in some slave-holding part of South North Carolina. During an “emotional” debate over domestic-partner benefits, Commissioner Lady spoke sadly of her adult son’s death [...]
L.A. TIMES TEEVEE LISTINGS COPY EDITOR TO BE ‘WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD’ EVERY NIGHT FOR THE NEXT YEAR: A correction from the print edition of today’s Los Angeles Times: “FOR THE RECORD: TV listings: The Prime-Time TV grid in Thursday’s Calendar section mistakenly listed MTV’s ‘Jackass’ show on the MSNBC cable schedule at 7 [...]
La Jolla hotel developer Doug Manchester put up $125,000 to collect signatures for Prop 8, California’s absurd anti-gay-marriage initiative intended to overturn Caifornia’s legal gay marriages just to ruin people’s lives, because why not, wingnuts is special. But now richie-rich Mr. Manchester, who previously claimed he was bankrolling the Prop 8 signature effort because of [...]
WONKETTE DOES NOT CARE FOR THESE PEOPLE: Just how bad will August be, because of the Republicans and various anti-reform special interest groups? Imagine the Brooks Brothers Riot, but happening every day, across the country, for the entire month. Just health insurance employees being dispatched in plainclothes to town halls, so as to shout nonsense [...]
This wretched thing again. Dana Milbank and Chris Cillizza of the Washington Post ran with a very clever theme for this week’s “Embodiment Of All That Is Wrong With Washington” Theater comedy segment: what wacky made-up beers would various public officials drink if they were invited to the Beer Summit?! Cillizza jokes about how scumsucking [...]
Old Republican Asshole Sincerely Apologizes For Happily Predicting Ruth Bader Ginsburg Will Die Soon
Kentucky! One of the comical idiot Republican senators of the “Bluegrass State” is a stupid old prick who once played baseball in, who knows, the pre-Civil War era? For Kentucky’s special people, this is considered an “Ivy League” education in politics. But America’s worst, dumbest senator, Jim Bunning, barely kept his seat in 2004 — [...]
