Wonkette

Both presidential candidates released some angry shit-talking commercials today. Apparently Barack Obama promises your family fewer jobs, while John McCain lives in a tiny black-and-white television with George Bush. The question is, which candidate more stealthily removed the other candidate’s balls and replaced them with harmless Neuticles? View and assess, after the jump. MORE »

Last week all the Obamatards hated Andrea Mitchell for complaining about how Barack Obama didn’t invite the press to his basketball games in Iraq. This week they will love Andrea Mitchell for saying this McCain attack ad is “literally not true.” You know, the one about how Showboat Barry wouldn’t visit the troops in Germany because he couldn’t bring along cameras. (The truth is that he gave the troops the brushoff because he was busy inventing man-made AIDS.) [YouTube via Huffington Post]

For many moons, MTV was the channel where you could watch Downtown Julie Brown in her fingerless gloves talking about music, and then the Genesis video with the Claymation people would come on, and you could dance around your living room wearing your jelly bracelets and baggy neon shorts. Sadly, those days are over now and the only thing on MTV is a series of progressively more depressing/humiliating reality shows featuring drunk idiots who have sex with each other in the shower. But now there will be political ads, too, on this channel that never allowed political ads before, and the first one just aired! It is shockingly bad. MORE »

Here’s an independent ad that was running in South Dakota before its June 3 primary from some Christian group, against Barack Obama. The Obama team complained about it shortly after its debut, and Obama has been referencing it recently as a typical attack ad he’ll see more of this fall. But he doesn’t mention how funny it is! The basic idea here: Obama is like a slave in the Underground Railroad, and when he escapes to the North, he and his crazy black church preacher institute a Muslim theocracy. Well *sorry*, Mr. Sensitive Luo Tribesman, we thought the people of South Dakota would’ve wanted to know this information before voting. STOLEN ELECTION. [YouTube]

Here’s a new RNC ad that scans over Obama’s pithy resume, as any good potential employer would. While Obama claims he went to Chicago as a “community organizer,” the RNC takes away the Liberal Spin and rightly lists the job as “street organizer,” which is a euphemism for “HE’S FUCKING BLACK, PEOPLE! YOU’RE VOTING FOR A FUCKING BLACK MAN! CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT? BLACK BLACK BLACK! RAP! A NATION RUN BY A BLACK, IN THE STREETS! RIOTS! BLACK!” [YouTube]

They don’t take kindly to Barack O’Terrorist in Mississippi, even though he won the Democratic primary there recently. That was merely a ruse of the Liberals, however, who are controlled by Barry and his band of Bitter Pastors. Such is the message of a new attack ad in a Northern Mississippi congressional district that will hold a special election in two weeks. Republican nominee Greg Davis is running this ad against Democratic opponent Travis Childers, who *gasp* has been endorsed by Barack “I hate America” Obama himself. When will Childers throw the probable next president of the United States under the bus? Watch this striking ad, after the jump. MORE »

It is the easiest (and most overused) “attack ad” joke there is: “My opponent hates puppies.” In one Pennsylvania race, yet another satirical trope has been bested by reality. Say hello to Larry Glick, Democratic candidate for the State House:

As the Philly Inquirer reported today, this mailer was sent out to voters across Bucks County by the Pennsylvania Republican State Committee. And we cannot for the life of us decide if we like it better than the sex offender one. The details of the ruthless dog murder are on the back.

There is no possible additional joke to be made. RIP Wrango the Dog. MORE »

The Colorado Republican Party wants you to know that Dem congressional candidate Ed Perlmutter is a convicted sex offender who’s moving into your neighborhood. This is the campaign season that made satire irrelevant, isn’t it? MORE »

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