bailout
In a calculated move designed to insult America, Senator Chris Dodd has signed a book deal. His book will be out in June. Not that he’s actually penning a single word of it — it is “By Sen. Christopher J. Dodd with [random writing slave]” — but c’mon Dodd, save the heroic legislative deal-cutting memoir [...]
This poor stimulus bill has been kicked around and blown up a million times, completely dismembered, bathed in acid — basically Robocop, except boring, and with money. So what secret provisions did House and Senate negotiators slip into the bill into order to win the eternal fealty of the lobster queen Susan Collins and the [...]
Brian Ross is a national treasure because he is an actual investigative journalist who investigates things. He got this gal who ran a Wall Street hooker ring to turn over her client list, and boy howdy! It is full of, uh, bankers. Probably very interesting to people who know anything about Wall Street! Anyway, many [...]
SELF-PARKING CAR WILL SAVE AMERICAN AUTO INDUSTRY: This is why Ford don’t need no stinking bailout — all it needs is some good old-fashioned frivolous vehicular techmologies nobody wanted in the first place! “The technology uses ultrasonic sensors on the front and rear of the vehicle, combined with electric power steering to angle and guide [...]
The shameful publicity whore Barack Obama will be holding his FIFTH press conference of the WEEK today, while the ever modest George W. Bush holds his first in months. (Ha ha we kid, he tore himself away from his Wii to mutter some not-very-encouraging things about our teetering American economy, once, in early November. The [...]
Wonkette Operative “Michael C” reports that this TARP-bailout hearing at the House is providing endless lulz. Why is Illinois Rep. Pete Roskam jabbering about tapping people’s backsides and the “greased chute of government”? Because he’s a Republican! It’s all about ass.
Continuing the thème du jour, etc. Thanks to Wonkette commenter “Freakishlystrong.” [MSNBC/AP]
Reporter David Leonhardt at your liberal elitist rag the New York Times has a little thingy today about how nobody wants to buy American cars these days, and this is why Detroit finds itself in such an awkward no-cash-havin’ situation. While it is true that nobody wants to buy American cars, it is also true [...]
The cranberry menace Nancy Pelosi says a government appointee should oversee the bailout of Detroit. This person will be called the “car czar,” in celebration of the Russian aristocrats who invented the American auto industry. And guess who will probably be our car czar, if Nancy Pelosi has anything to do with it? No, not [...]
Look at their sweet coordinated dance moves! It’s like that “Thriller” video, only at the end, everybody has to give them 39 billion dollars. [NPR]
Oh dang! Rumor has it that Tim Geithner, our Treasury Secretary-to-be, does not care for our beloved Sheila Bair and her maverick ways. Bair is the chairman of the FDIC and one of the few high-profile Bush administration appointees to very repeatedly and publicly bang the drum about how if our financial crisis is ultimately [...]
The government rescued insurance giant AIG from its own wretched, greedy incompetence by giving the evil company $80 billion $150 billion of your tax dollars. With this insane reward for being an epic failure, AIG was supposed to rebuild its core business — which is insurance, not gambling like a drunken fool and destroying the [...]
Sexy Neel Kashkari, the 35-year-old former Goldman Sachs investor Hank Paulson selected to run the so-far embarrassing $700 billion bailout program, went before a House committee today to be brutally excoriated, roasted on a spit, and then sodomized by the giddy Elf King Dennis Kucinich and his snarling band of blood monsters. The highlight, and [...]
