banks
Oh hey here is a novel idea: in order to save our tragically beleaguered financial system, we must 1) replace the management at failing banks and 2) liquidate the banks that are completely hosed beyond repair. This makes sense to pretty much everyone, and our new boyfriend Simon Johnson said something like that a while [...]
Earlier we showed Barney Frank yelling at the goddamn Code Pink hippies on multiple occasions, but what else happened during this latest 94-hour grandstanding spectacle of a House Financial Services Committee hearing? Why the economy got saved, of course! Ha ha. (Kill us.) America’s C-SPAN watchers did, however, get to see such luminaries as Ron [...]
ABOUT FRIGGING TIME: The delightfully named Finger Interests Number One Ltd. is trying to persuade other Bank of America shareholders to get rid of Ken Lewis and two other people on the bank’s board of directors. Imagine that! Imagine throwing out the terrible bums who just dropped their trousers and peed all over their shareholders [...]
The stock market has rallied in response to Tim Geithner’s latest details on his plan to fix America’s Banks by giving them lots of money for their trash, which makes sense, because the new plan is good good GOOD for Wall Street! Imagine a world where the government put up like 85% of the financing [...]
Do you know what is happening to your America, America? Communism! Yesterday our friends at the Congressional Oversight Panel for TARP invited a crazy European monster to our country to outline the nuclear option — “The Swedish Model” — for fixing our banks. Boo! Go “fix” yourself!
56% OF AMERICANS ARE SOCIALIST COMMIE MARX-MAOIST STALINFURRIES: Hey looky here, the Newsweek magazine says that 56% of Americans support “nationalizing large banks at risk of failing,” while only 29% support the Responsible Centrist option of giving crappy insolvent banks run by actual hell demons all the money they want forever, on their own terms. [...]
Your friendly neighborhood Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation — the nice people who insure consumers’ bank deposits — has been having a sort of a rough time lately, what with all the banks constantly going broke. The insurance fund was pretty heavily depleted over the past year, thanks to horrific failures like IndyMac which cost the [...]
At some point during Barack Obama’s press conference last night — toward the end, after summarizing the major works of the European baroque period, but before reading the entire text of War and Peace in response to a question about baseball — he told reporters to hold onto their pants, because Tim Geithner’s first big [...]
We last heard of “Iceland” in the fall during those first exciting weeks of the Global Great Depression, when our proudly “interconnected” global economy did what it ultimately was designed to do: self-implode all at once. Since most/all of Iceland’s prosperity in the last decade was derived from a burgeoning financial sector, all of its [...]
K STREET BANK LOOTED: Somebody robbed the PNC Bank at 14th and K. Obviously it was lobbyists driven insane with fear that they will all turn into impoverished destitute train-ridin’ hobos once Barack Nobama comes to town and taxes them for working hard. Either that or, you know, bank robbers, either one. Thanks to Rebecca [...]
GO GET YOUR MONEY PEOPLE: Collapsing investment banks are yesterday’s news, trendsetters! Now we can turn our attention to the biggest possible commercial banks failing miserably, like, say, Washington Mutual. And when that collapses on Sunday, probably, it will likely drain up what’s left of the FDIC’s insurance fund. The FDIC can always get more [...]
