barack obama
Obama Screws Over America’s Women To Appease Religious Fanatic Men
by Wonkette Jr.
One thing about patriarchal religions of the ancient Middle East — like, say, “Sharia Law” or “American Catholicism” — is that the menfolk don’t like the womenfolk having any control of their own bodies or lives. That’s why there was a predictable outrage over the Obama Administration’s long-planned addition of basic family planning medicine to [...]
Flying Spy-Death Machines, Coming to an Airspace Over You
Americans seem a tad unhappy with the club of corrupt kleptocrats running their government these days; seems about as good a time as any for Congress to give the go ahead to the military and private corporations to fill our skies with stealth spy-death machines to help keep an eye on protesters traffic conditions, maybe? [...]
Obama and Pope Battle Over Free Condoms In Hellish Cathedral
by Wonkette Jr.
The Taiwanese animators behind these weird videos sometimes know even less about an American Political Controversy than any random sack of highly paid pundits on the U.S. cable news. But that’s not really a hindrance when there are lots of comical human-sized condoms with feet dancing around while Barack Obama beats the shit out of [...]
British Lizard Queen Celebrates 60 Earth Years of Oppression
by Wonkette Jr.
Is everyone super excited about the “Diamond Jubilee” of America’s queen of hearts, Elizabeth II? They should be, after her exciting performance at yesterday’s American football spectacular “half time.” Here is the well-known story we all recite to ourselves each night before flogging our own flesh with a thorny wooden portrait of Our Queen: Sixty [...]
Orrin Hatch Tells Obama He Can’t Be Like Jesus, Because Of Taxes (VIDEO)
by Kaia Mursi
Attention, President Obama! Mousy Mormon Senator Orrin Hatch would like to have a word with you in the undersea Holocaust-victim baptizing chamber. Hatch will be doing that thing he always does, that raisin-mouthed, monotonous, mild-mannered smug thing he uses to cloak all manner of backwards beliefs and statements. The decrepit senator from Utah is currently [...]
John McCain Needs Stuff to Sacrifice to War Gods, to Save War Budget
PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC! John McCain is all hot tears and snot right now over $600 billion in automatic cuts to defense spending triggered by the laughably predictable failure of the debt supercommittee last fall, so WALNUTS and his merry band of warhawks are stomping around the Senate hunting for government jobs to axe from [...]
Jan Brewer Expecting Treat Now for Shaking Finger at Barack Obama
Boy oh boy is Arizona governor Jan Brewer ever so lucky that Barack Obama came to visit her state — his visit has already started to generate new revenue! No no, not for Arizona or anything, no, ha ha. It’s revenue for Jan Brewer, America’s neediest governor, which she is collecting via some tragic website [...]
Obama Says College Will Be Affordable Again One Day, Maybe
Greetings old friends! It’s your Wonkabout on Special Assignment for your Wonkette to report on Obama’s college affordability speech at the University of Michigan where she just happens to be doing some learning of her own these days. So what did our dear President have to say to a crowd of hopeless college students hungover [...]
Arizona Cop Not Sure What Big Deal Is Over His Bullet-Riddled Obama Photo
What had we gone, a whole week or so without a news story about a public official cracking jokes online about murdering Barack Obama? That’s kind of a long time! Don’t “worry,” however, Mexico still does not want Arizona back, so we will never go too long without one of these kinds of things while [...]
Jan Brewer And Barack Obama Nearly Come To Blows Over Book Excerpt
by Kaia Mursi
America’s relationship with the breakaway republic of Arizona remains a contentious one, with especially pungent ill-will bubbling between President Obama and Arizona’s current monarch Jan Brewer. First, Brewer blamed Obama for blowing up her beeper, two-way, AND cellie, and thereby delaying the completion of her book “Scorpions for Breakfast: My Fight Against Special Interests, Liberal [...]
Niger, El Salvador Beat United States in Press Freedom Last Year
The United States placed a thrilling 47th on the newly-released index of worldwide press freedom compiled by Reporters Without Borders, go team! This is 27 places worse than the previous year, owing to all the great fun cops across the nation had arresting, brutalizing and obstructing the work of journalists during the Occupy Wall Street [...]
SOTU Proves Obama Thinks Americans Are Simple (In The Bad Way)
by Kaia Mursi
Official science has finally proven that Kenyan interloper Barack Obama has an incredibly low opinion of the average State of the Union-viewing American. An outfit which has adopted the patently fictional idea of “Smart Politics” as its name fed President Obama’s speech into a sad word-eating robot, which digested and then spit out this unbearable [...]
States and Unions: Why Have Either? Liveblogging the SOTU, Part Deux
by Ken Layne
Oh hi, how is the State of the Union? Sounds pretty gassy so far, what with the drilling for natural gas in every national park, and the drilling for more Blackwater spills on every U.S. coast, and shale oil extraction to ruin the Earth for a thousand generations, etc. Yay? Why not just, uh, stop [...]
Here Is Your Official Wonkette State of the Union Anti-Sobriety Plan!
YEE-HAW it is time for Barack Obama’s third (and possibly final) State of the Union address! How excited is everyone, to listen to our President describe the many ways in which our country’s problems are mostly the fault of the worst-ever Congress in history that Americans themselves elected, so thanks a lot? He will probably [...]
State of the State of the Union Liveblogging/Drinking Game: Join Us At 9PM (6PM Pacific)
by Wonkette Jr.
So many of you are asking, in very concerned-sounding emails, whether or not Wonkette will be performing its standard ritual of liveblogging and “a drinking game” on the night of the State of the Union address. COME ON WHAT DO YOU THINK, OF COURSE WE WILL DO THIS, JUST LIKE EVERY YEAR SINCE (gulp) 2004. [...]
