Wonkette

Here is a video of an adorable car nerd explaining why properly inflating your tires probably won’t save America. It has to do with math and numbers, YAWN! You see, we mustn’t assume that every single tire in the U.S. is horribly underinflated. However, it is apparently fine to assume that we have some sort of nationalized oil industry that will magically keep all 600,000 barrels of ANWR-produced oil within American confines, instead of selling it on the world market. Silly car hobo! [YouTube]

Democratic operatives are surprisingly not scared shitless about Obama’s upcoming vacation to Hawaii, despite the party’s well known reputation as shirtless pussies who are always being gay on beaches: “In a piece of footage endlessly recycled to mock his supposed elitism and even foreignness, Mr Kerry was caught on camera windsurfing off Massachusetts. Since Mr Obama is taking his holiday at a private beach house in Hawaii, surrounded by the secret service, campaign officials worry less about his exposure to the paparazzi. Besides, they say, most Americans will be tuned into the Olympics.” The Olympics? Ha! You silly campaign officials, letting down your guard. [Financial Times]

• YIKES: “MIAMI (AP) - A man is being held in Florida by federal authorities on charges of threatening to assassinate Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. …The Secret Service says Geisel made the threat during a training class for bail bondsmen in Miami in late July. Another tipster said Geisel also threatened President Bush.” And yet no one cared about the threat to Our Greatest President Bush? Goddamnit, Miami. [AP]

FREAK: An important dispatch from the Associated Press: “‘A stack of pancakes to go,’ Obama ordered as he walked from table to table. Not the usual order for fast food. Would he get them in a plastic bag? The pancakes were served to Obama on a plate covered with aluminum foil.” Pancakes to go? Aluminum foil? WHAT AN AWFUL FREAK. [AP]

Poor Straight Talk Express, it sure had an awful go of things yesterday. At some point, either before or after it crushed an elderly black handicapped war veteran hero’s minivan, some rascally kids put an Obama bumper sticker on it. Check out the first comment on this website, too: “We were planning on doing that in my home town in iowa with a Ron Paul sticker, but decided against it as we figured it would upset people rather than make them laugh.” Huh? [Political Irony]

BLACK AND WHITE: The American People see Barack Obama’s ads as positive, hopeful messages of hopefulness, while John McCain’s commercials are universally seen as cheap, bitter little sacks of negative bile. That’s why 48% of The People are tired of hearing about Obama. [UPI]

Here’s your Barack Obama dealing with an angry dingbat who somehow got press credentials for a campaign rally at Ohio’s Baldwin-Wallace College. The dingbat, identified as either “John Quinn” or “John Q. Public,” started hollering as Obama began a stump speech about energy or something. And then it got funny. MORE »

OH HEY, IT’S HILLARY: “Sen. Hillary Clinton told a gathering of supporters last week that she’s looking for a ’strategy’ for her delegates to have their voices heard and ‘respected’ at the Democratic National Convention — and did not rule out the possibility of having her name placed into nomination at the convention alongside Sen. Barack Obama’s.” [ABC NEWS]

Just to reiterate, but isn’t it funny that the Republicans nominated the guy Matt Drudge hates more than anyone? [Drudge Report]