barack obama
Mitt Romney On Right-Wing Radio: Economy’s Getting So Much Better Under Obama!
by Wonkette Jr.
Uhh, okay, we will not argue with you that much, Mittens: INGRAHAM: You’ve also noted that there are signs of improvement on the horizon in the economy. How do you answer the president’s argument that the economy is getting better in a general election campaign if you yourself are saying it’s getting better? ROMNEY: Well, [...]
Obama Doesn’t Hate Bain, Unlike Gingrich And His Own Campaign
Guess where Barack Obama’s new Office of Management and Budget director, Jeff Zients, used to work? Just guess. Oh okay, the headline basically gives it away: he worked at Bain Capital from 1988 to 1990 in between Mitt Romney’s stints with the firm. So let’s review: Newt Gingrich and Rick Perry both hate Mitt Romney [...]
Protests Work! Cornyn & Rubio Drop SOPA, Obama Rejects Keystone
by Ken Layne
Here’s a little good news to cheer up your Wednesday: Today’s anti-censorship protest across the Internet has already forced Republican senators Marco Rubio and John Cornyn to drop their support of the SOPA bill. Already! Rubio and Cornyn weren’t just supporters, though — Rubio co-sponsored the legislation that would allow the U.S. government to shut [...]
Citing widespread evidence that Republicans don’t love him because he would basically govern like Barack Obama, an unloved moderate Mormon millionaire will drop out of the Republican presidential contest today. Despite many endorsements, lots of money, a handsome appearance and an attractive family of preppy white people, the candidate has never been embraced by GOP [...]
Republicans Mad About Debt Ceiling Increase They Already Agreed To
Here’s an amusing tale of woe from the dysfunctional family of mutants running the federal government: Barack Obama mentioned in the waning days of 2011 that he needed permission to raise the debt ceiling once again, as outlined and wholly foreseen by the debt agreement reached after a lot of tearful hate sex with Congress [...]
New Book Reveals FLOTUS Hates Rahm Emanuel, Just Wants to Party
by Blair Burke
Hallelujah, our FLOTUS has survived yet another dreadful year in the White House. We don’t really know how she does it, but then again, she looks like she has had a lot of endurance training. So, will 2012 be the dawn of a new era in Michelle Obama’s FLOTUS career, or will we spend another [...]
Old Walnuts McCain Accidentally (?) Endorses Obama Instead of Romney
by Wonkette Jr.
John McCain wandered away from the rest of his senior-housing group at the indoor mall and next thing you know he had wandered onstage with Mitt Romney, in South Carolina! Seems like a good opportunity to give Mittens an endorsement, right? Eh, or just endorse “President Obama,” maybe that guy can “turn this country around.” [...]
Orly Taitz Scores Procedural Victory in Birther Lawsuit, America Is Saved
Leading American source for legal humor Orly Taitz HAS HIT THE JACKPOT, AT LAST with a majorly awesome minor procedural win in a Georgia court, because a judge denied the Obama Administration’s request to dismiss whatever greasy piece of paper full of crayon streaks she filed lately on the grounds that Georgia election law allows [...]
Obama Installs Consumer Chief, Officially Makes Citizens ‘Consumers’
by Ken Layne
Citing a pressing need to legally redefine Americans as “consumers” before they get any other big ideas, President Obama today appointed his choice to lead the new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. The appointment bypassed the Senate, because the Republican minority there won’t allow anything but tax cuts for the rich and new War Contracts. The [...]
Mitt Romney Supposed To Win Iowa Caucuses, Unless He Doesn’t
There are several billion polls out there variously dropping coy hints about a Ron Paul win, a Mitt Romney win or that more apocalyptic outcome, a “Santorum surprise,” GAH, but let’s check in with poll nerd king Nate Silver: Mitt Romney has a 42% chance of winning and everyone else has less, with the important [...]
Barack Obama Guiltily Signs Off On Eternal Imprisonment Without Trial
How did you celebrate your New Year, dear readers?! Barack Obama celebrated by signing the National Defense Authorization Act — the exciting “detain all the fishy Americans the government feels like without trial, forever” bill — into law. Obama decided to wait until New Year’s Eve, when America was already halfway through its second six-pack, [...]
Zillionaire Mitt Romney Tells Obama To Stop Acting So Rich All the Time
Ol’ moneybags Mitt Romney is estimated to be worth over $250 million, a rather grotesque embarrassment of riches and presumably the reason why Mittens refuses to release his tax returns, in hope of avoiding a couple of news cycles’ worth of “How many thousands of struggling homeowners could Mitt Romney’s wealth instantly save from foreclosure, [...]
Barack Obama Attempts To Eat Fingers Off a Small Child (VIDEO)
Barack Obama is on vacation in Hawaii, where he is sampling the taste of the local infants. It’s sort of cute, until you realize this child is probably already halfway to Gitmo. [YouTube]
House Abandons Brave Fight To Raise Taxes on Workers, Passes Extension
It’s a FESTIVUS MIRACLE, kids, get ready for it: Barack Obama and Harry Reid and millions of Americans wanted A Thing, and the House Republicans finally just agreed to give it to them! It was not easy! House Republicans passed the two-month payroll tax cut extension with a fun “unanimous consent” vote that didn’t force [...]
Hero Iowa Voter Perfectly Describes Newt Gingrich To His Face (VIDEO)
Do you ever wish you had the opportunity to personally inform the Stay-Puft madman Newt Gingrich that he is a “fucking asshole,” to his face? You are not alone! Tom Sorensen of Iowa City shares your dream! So this is exactly what he did, in a grocery store where Newt was stomping around burping his [...]
