barack obama
Major Investigation: Capitol Xmas Tree Lacks Jesus-Themed Ornaments
The Christian News Service has done a careful study of five of the five thousand donated ornaments on the Capitol Christmas Tree, and the findings are not pretty. Two out of these five ornaments were about Barack Obama, and zero were about Jesus. So by statistics, we can say that 2,000 of the ornaments on [...]
Texas College Republican Would So Get an ‘A’ in Racist Twitter Poetry
Aw, yet another awful tweet about Barack Obama from the second president of the U of Texas College Republicans in as many months. (The first one was from that other popular genre of Republican poetry, “assassination jokes.”) The group’s current president, Cassie Wright, has even twatted out her thoughts in an adorable rhyme format! Maybe [...]
FLOTUS Proves Commitment to Military Families By Dating Marine
by Blair Burke
When Michelle Obama is bored from exercising with toddlers all day, she takes on her second hobby: supporting The Troops. After all, that is what her recent NASCAR horror and teevee appearance were all about. We thought she was doing these things out of her respect for military families. But as it turns out, she [...]
Watch Ralph Nader (In 2008) Exactly Describe Barack Obama’s First Term
by Wonkette Jr.
Uhm … completely correct? Erm … okay weeping in closet now.
Nobody Likes GOP Or Obama, So Third Party Hero Will Waste Nation’s Time
by Ken Layne
Republican candidates are all so awful that there’s a new frontrunner every week. Barack Obama, meanwhile, seems dedicated to little more than enraging his own supporters while also doing nothing about the economy while also turning America into a police-terror state. People are protesting! Times are terrible! Seems like we should probably just toss the [...]
Congress Hashing Out Last-Minute Deal To End Government, Again
Oh what teary-eyed blood sport is a-boiling in Congress to-day: the federal government is headed for a shutdown, again, because Harry Reid won’t let the Senate vote on a trillion-dollar omnibus spending bill made of the glued-together pencil shavings swept off the floor of the failed supercommittee negotiations, hooray! This is happening because of an [...]
Obama Won’t Veto Law That Turns Military Into ‘Domestic Police Force’
by Wonkette Jr.
Hooray, the White House now says that President Obama won’t veto the National Defense Authorization Act. It flew through the House today and should pass the Senate shortly. Along with the usual gazillion dollars for the Pentagon to buy death machines from military contractors via lobbyists/former members of Congress, the NDAA will also allow the [...]
Bill O’Reilly Not Sure Who Runs U.S. Military, Maybe Moon Monsters?
Good god, this is what we get for having already posted something early-ish about the collective negative IQ of the radioactive mutant cow chips employed at Fox News and then figuring we were done hearing about them for the day. Ugh. So, Bill O’Reilly, who controls the U.S. military? (“Relevant” part starts at 1:20.) Is [...]
Plan-B Access Denied by Incorrigible Twits, GOP Very Upset Obama Trying to Appoint Cabinet Secretary
by Matt Langer
For the first time in the 105-year history of the Food and Drug Administration an FDA directive has been publicly overruled by the department of Health and Human Services. About what? About teenagers doing it! That’s right, FDA commissioner Margaret Hamburg released a statement yesterday declaring that Plan-B, an emergency contraceptive long known to anyone [...]
Rick Perry Speaks Up In Favor of Abuse Against Gays Abroad
Sane folk nodded in approval today as Barack Obama put out a memorandum directing “all agencies engaged abroad to ensure that U.S. diplomacy and foreign assistance promote and protect the human rights of LGBT persons.” Hooray for Increments, right? It’s not clear what this actually means since the U.S. is unlikely to cold de-friend Saudi [...]
Michelle Obama Reads Christmas Stories With Kermit, Malia Acts Bored
by Blair Burke
‘Twas the Christmas Tree-Lighting Time at the White House last Thursday night, and this year’s theme was “Controversy and Nostalgia.” Controversy, because for the first time since the debut of Dallas, there was a new tree at the White House. (The old one got knocked down by winds or Katrina or something, and the new [...]
Oil Industry Senators Decide They’ll Just Allow That Tar Sands Keystone Pipeline Anyway
by Ken Layne
The oil industry millionaires known as “Republicans in the Senate” have decided to fix that whole Obama/Keystone tar sands/global disaster/dirtiest possible fuel problem by making their own rules that will override the State Department, so that the oil industry can get hopping on this worst possible source of land-raping carbon-spewing fuel, which will enrich the [...]
Heritage Foundation Dweeb Bravely Notices Obama Nearly Made a Gaffe
One lonely little Heritage Foundation blogger weenie has stumbled upon the ultimate smoking gun of rock solid evidence that Barack Obama is a hopeless fool who could not pass the fifth grade: he accidentally said “English Embassy,” a thing which does not exist, when he was dutifully expressing his required disapproval of recent attacks on [...]
Weird Attack Ad Claims Bob Casey Was Actually Black At Birth (VIDEO)
It is not clear why this bizarre, fancy pants Republican campaign ad from Pennsylvania Senate candidate “Steve Welch” needs five and a half entire minutes to painstakingly explain why Democratic rival Sen. Bob Casey is Barack Obama’s secret long-lost twin brother, because HELLO, obvious. But Republican primary voters are sort of a dim lot sometimes, [...]
Obama Celebrates Thanksgiving By Reminding America of Its Dysfunction
Aw, Sasha and Malia Obama looked sort of annoyed and bored, like the rest of America, during their dad’s ritual Thanksgiving lecture explaining how it would be impossible for him to do so much as rescue a single freaking turkey from death were this subject to a vote from Congress, even to save “Liberty” and [...]
