baseball
So overweight former baseball technician Curt Schilling will not be America’s new beloved Republican Ted Kennedy after all. Here are the known conditions that might have been factors in his proto-failure: He’s not even actually a registered Republican, which many political Beltway D.C. Boston insiders speculated would interfere with his ability to run on the [...]
The race to fill Ted Kennedy’s ample seat in the Senate is heating up like a corpse in the summer tide! (Sorry, Denby.) Curt Schilling, world champion quarterback for Boston’s “Mighty Ducks,” loves George W. Bush and jacking off in bloodstained sock, so he is qualified to be the Republican candidate. Schilling, heir to his [...]
Thursday, August 20: Womenfolk don’t like baseball, so to lure them to a game, the Nats are hosting a women-friendly pre-game tomorrow night. Recognizing that ladies may be frightened by this unnatural habitat, the Nats are offering things only women love: massages and manicures. And because all women love to shop, jewelry, handbags, cosmetics and [...]
Alert UK journalist “Richard” sent us this Reuters pic, wondering what kind of movie Willie Mays and Robert Gibbs and the sleazy White House press pool enjoyed last night on the flight over to the MLB All-Star game. What do you people think?
TODAY WAS A COMPLETE WASTE OF THE U.S. SENATE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE’S TIME, AND AN INSULT TO BASEBALL AND AMERICA: So many times today your Wonkette editors have prepared to write posts about the Sotomayor hearings, but it all just sucks too much, these people reading their pieces of paper. Maybe we should post a clip [...]
We knew there had to be a “paying off some 19-year-old boy” aspect of this dull John Ensign story, and here it is: A Republican committee paid Nevada Senator John Ensign’s illicit girlfriend’s son $5,400 during the SAME EXACT TIME Ensign and the lady were humping. This teen-ager was given the dirty GOP money for [...]
How many daughters does Sarah Palin have? Like fourteen? Well, David Letterman made a CRUDE REMARK about one of them, apparently intending to refer to the oldest one ( “Bridgeport”) but inadvertently referring to the middle one ( “Jester”). And voila just like that a harmless “gals is always gettin’ pregnant” joke turned into a [...]
Oh boy we better not make a funny about this or fuckface porn addict David Denby may be compelled to shit out another $15.95 pamphlet about how the Internet has ruined his dinner with Michael Kinsley. So, here is “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” star Ted Kennedy just cold bein’ alive and outside [...]
Wonkette operative “Miriam H.” sends us this historic photo of our nation’s greatest president, George W. Bush, at a Texas baseball game today, where he threw out the first pitch. He is looking east at Mecca because it is that time of day. This is the closest a Wonkette operative has ever gotten to George [...]
Last night’s press conference was a real bummer, and boiled down to two essential questions: number one, why can’t Obama be more bipartisan by removing all spending from the stimulus bill forever, and number two, how will we know if his financial rescue plan is working or not? But a third important question surfaced toward [...]
