Honored. He is honored. A weary nation looked for a hero to finally get Barack Obama to release his birth certificate, and it found Donald Trump. He is the only person in the world who could do this. And he heard the call of duty because HE IS A PATRIOT and HE WANTED TO DRAW [...]
Modern life came to a screeching halt this morning as people stopped and held their breaths in anticipation of leading birther “news source” WorldNetDaily’s response to the release of President Obama’s birth certificate. And here it is: first of all, let’s put “birth certificate” in quotation marks, because c’mon, DON’T JUMP TO ANY CRAZY CONCLUSIONS, [...]
The White House gathered the press this morning as usual and just passed out the president’s birth certificate. And then that was it. It’s here. The full thing. Long-form. Signed by the doctor. Etc. President Obama finally just asked Hawaii for the thing, and Hawaii finally just gave it to him. According to the document, [...]
WorldNetDaily has a sense of energy about it these days, fueled by the discerning public’s new appreciation for the art that is birtherism. “Compare the Flex Belt & Contour Belt – 2 leading ab belts,” its front page proclaims, educating the abless on exciting innovations made in 2003. Yesterday, it announced that stuffy American scholar [...]
Leading fake presidential candidate Donald Trump, who is best known for his work in television in the role of “Montana Max” on Steven Spielberg’s animated series Tiny Toon Adventures, notified CNN he’s still keeping a team of sexy investigators on the sexy beaches of Hawaii to track down President Obama’s sexy past. “At a certain [...]
As you can see from the amusingly edited birther video above, birthers are definitely not happy with Michele Bachmann, who was presented with President Obama’s birth certificate by George Stephanopoulos and was forced to admit people should probably just “move on.” Did she just sink her campaign before it even really began?
A suddenly brown-looking Jan Brewer may devastated a hopeful nation by vetoing presidential birth-certificate legislation, but don’t lose hope that a deeply conservative state Barack Obama has no chance of winning will try to keep him off the ballot in 2012. Pro-volcano-destruction activist Bobby Jindal is stepping up. “It’s not part of our package, but [...]
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer is best known for chupacabra-ing Hispanics who have the misfortune of living in or passing through the jaws of her state, and given that made her a Teabagger saint, most would have assumed she’d sign the birther bill that would have forced presidential candidates to present a birth certificate (or show [...]
Well, that didn’t take long. Yesterday, we predicted Donald Trump referring to African Americans as “the blacks” and blaming them for putting Obama into office would secure the final, racist part of the Republican base he needed to wrap up the presidential nomination with his joke of a campaign. Today, PPP has Trump up 9 [...]
ABC News communist dwarf George Stephanopoulos conducted an interview with longshot presidential candidate Barack Obama that airs today, and was FINALLY the one to ask the guy about the birf certificate. “I think that over the last two and a half years there’s been an effort to go at me in a way that is [...]
In order to disqualify President Obama from the ballot next year, Arizona’s state senate has passed that bill requiring all candidates running for president to present the state a very detailed, official birth certificate proving they came out of a birth canal whilst inside the borders of the United States of America. Finally. All it [...]
In an effort to keep yourself from vomiting, you should probably close your eyes as you read this post. Birther Lucas Smith, who was last seen in an affidavit claiming Orly Taitz asked him to perjure himself and also recounting another birther guy’s claims about the narrowness and viscosity of her womanly passages when she [...]
Here’s the state of the Republican presidential race these days, if you look at national polls, which don’t matter, but still: Donald Trump is leading. Mitt Romney is trailing somewhere behind, tied with Newt Gingrich of all people. How did Romney lose his lead? The guy is an idiot; he’s making no effort to embody [...]
One of the greatest questions plaguing birthers about the president’s birth certificate has been, of course, “What did the aliens have to do with it?” But they may have finally uncovered it: The aliens did brain surgery on Obama and filled his head with a device that can only respond to a teleprompter, as that [...]
Donald Trump apparently heard the New York Times‘ lovely op-ed columnist Gail Collins wrote something about his birther revolution, and the cartoon rich man’s ears steamed with cartoon anger. “This will not stand!” Trump screamed to his assembled professional-reality-teevee-contestant employees. Trump sent the Times a response. “Some people have focused on Trump’s grammar; I am [...]
