Wonkette

WE ARE TOO BUSY COVERING THE LATEST SEX SCANDAL IN WASHINGTON TO KNOW ABOUT BLOGS VS. THE ASSOCIATED PRESS: The AP wanted a blog to not quote the AP, which is lame and anti-legal and whatever, so then the Justice League of Bloggers held a secret meeting in the AP’s underground lair, in space, and now our former corporate overlords at Gawker are being accused of being “some kid” for not giving respect knuckles to the invisible blogger alliance of justice, because of the “latest sex scandal in Washington.” [Gawker]

This morning, the Associated Press wrote that Hillary would concede the delegate race to Barack Obama tonight, which is very nearly the same thing as “conceding the race.” The Clinton campaign then called this story 100% false and said Hillary won’t be concedin’ nothin’ tonight. And since Hillary’s rabid loyalists are already peeved with the media’s coverage of the campaign, the AP’s little “gambit” here has set off quite a storm on Hillary Clinton’s official “blog,” in the comments. An arbitrary selection of the best comments, after the jump. MORE »

We were just enjoying this Politico story about how Matt Drudge hearts Barack Obama and this is Reason #2,098,388 why John McCain won’t be president. And then, just as we clicked for the next page, we had a brief glance at the world’s most insane, perfect blog comment in America’s long stupid history of blog comments. Really. Come see. MORE »

BRIAN WILLIAMS IS HILARIOUS:: Never mind the newscast; check out his blogging! The Sunday New York Times is full of bizarre lifestyle crap, Peggy Noonan is “doing the work of her career,” mom’s cocktails in New Jersey were the best, and he skipped the White House Correspondents’ Dinner to watch NASCAR in his kitchen. [Brian Williams' Daily Nightly]

Another loser official from the Bush Administration is stepping down to spend time with the family, but there’s something especially funny about the departure of Emilio Gonzalez from the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services agency — because Gonzalez wrote a big whiny blog post (on the Department of Homeland Security blog, of course) about how the New York Times called him a loser! And then about a million people with varying degrees of English-as-a-Second-Language proficiency left hilarious comments! MORE »

• “We returned to Columbia Heights and witnessed a mass congregation of firetrucks and pedestrians lurking on the sidewalk as a major blaze took hold of an apartment building on Mt. Pleasant St. We were able to get close to the blaze, scale a building and capture some moments as DC’s finest attempted to quell a wild fire.” [Brightest Young Things]
• “Oh yes indeed, I asked for hot dog controversy, and WaPo has tracked it down for me. The guys who sell the junk food to the street vendors are outraged — appalled, even! — that the city might grant some vendor licenses to people who wouldn’t buy their Utz potato chips and crappy hot dogs.” [Metroblogging DC]

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So the AP is doing this big feature on our Five Glorious Years of War In Iraq, and the story will be called, obviously, “Five Years In Iraq: The Blogger War.” And it is illustrated with, of course, a file photo of this Broadway theater during the thrilling run of the musical celebration Hitler’s Children, featuring the legendary blogger Xavier Cugat and, necessarily, the comedic stylings of Henny Youngman. The question is, Who do we need to go back in time and kill in order to prevent all of this from happening? MORE »

She is truly a monster, run by the Lizard King Bowser, running kamikaze nosedive straight into the soul of our personal Secular Jesuses. She is ruining everyone’s life. We need to end this primary, because all of this Internet ranting and raving about Hillary Clinton is just starting to sound too real. MORE »

• “Former Prince George’s County homeland security official Keith A. Washington, jailed awaiting sentencing for fatally shooting a furniture deliveryman and wounding another, was found last week with
  a handcuff key and had a ‘clear intention of escaping’, according to court papers filed by prosecutors.” [WP]
• “There are a lot of options for cheap bus rides to New York, so what makes BoltBus different? It operates on the EasyJet principle, where tickets start out dirt cheap and get more expensive as the bus gets fuller.” [DCist]
• “Connecticut Avenue around mid-day. Various Greenpeace fanatics around. One is professing her love of the environment on some yuppie. Another spots her next target: A tall man, long coat, just lit a cigarette.” [Eavesdrop DC]
• “You already eat out most nights. Admit it. Go on. Now, this Thursday, you get to know that a portion of that price you’re paying for not dirtying up your dishes is going for a good cause. Yes, kids, it is time for the annual ‘Dining Out for Life’ Night, all of which is to benefit ‘Food and Friends’.” [Brightest Young Things]
• “I’m not going to lie. I am no stranger to drinking beers and listening to a Mariachi band. I think it is one of life’s great pleasures. I just never thought I’d be drinking beers and listening to a Mariachi band in a Target ….” [Prince of Petworth]