bp
So, about that plugged oil well at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico that was the Disaster of the Summer last year? It is leaking again, a lot, and despite days/weeks of the usual lies from BP and the BP enabling agents of the federal and state governments, the Mobile Press Register‘s independent scientific [...]
The Guardian, America’s greatest paper that is actually a socialist paper from somewhere in England, has this fun gimmick where you can see an unseen Sarah Palin Secret Email just by clicking a button. It is like Farmville, but actually dumber than that. The very first random unseen email we saw was a blank page [...]
Good morning, dead baby dolphins! It’s hard to believe that today marks the first anniversary of the Gulf of Mexico being poisoned forever. Does anyone even remember what the Gulf was like before murdered sea creatures started washing up on the beaches? Or what little children used to play with and get cancer from before [...]
Let’s begin with the “funny” news: Transocean awarded its top executives with six figure bonuses, because under their shining leadership the company experienced its “best year in safety performance.” Yes, “safety bonuses” for the executives in charge of the oil rig that exploded and then spilled 200 million gallons of oil into the ocean, killing [...]
Almost a year after the worst oil spill in Recorded History, the picturesque Gulf Coast is once again teeming with life: From Mexico to Florida, small children are building sand condos, birds are squawking “thanks for cleaning all that oil off me, you guys rule,” and delicious popcorn shrimps are jumping out of the clean [...]
The National Commission on the BP Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill and Offshore Drilling — better known as the NCBDHOSOD? — has published a very official report which proves BP never made a “conscious decision to favor dollars over safety.” We already knew this, though, because BP thoroughly investigated itself and came to the same exact [...]
Today’s must-read obituary: After a weekend of pouring cement into the base of the ruptured well in the Gulf of Mexico, pressure tests conducted early Sunday confirmed the seal was holding, former Coast Guard Adm. Thad Allen said announced. The Interior Department agency that regulates offshore drilling pronounced the well dead at 5:54 a.m. (6:54 [...]
BP and the Coast Guard are reporting that the reverse-cowgirl-static-kill-butt-well-plug was successful and that only 25% of the oil spilled is still in the Gulf of Mexico. Time to pop the bubbly and eat some shrimp…oh wait, there’s no shrimp left? Damn. Um, how about some oysters…no oysters? Uh, let’s have crabs, yeah crabs. Oh [...]
The static kill sex position procedure is slated to begin today, if it didn’t start last night while Doctor Jindal was sleeping. The process of shoving mud and shooting cement down the throat of the well may actually kill the well and nullify the need to use the relief wells. The engineers are concerned that [...]
Remember the Islands of Doctor Jindal? Well it turns out that the future president of ‘Merica may be wrong after all. Washington elites Several scientists from local universities and aquatic research centers have signed letters and sent postcards saying he is an idiot who likes to wear fur coats while looking good on the teevee.
