bristol palin
OH LOOK WHO IS IN WASHINGTON, D.C. this weekend, like her mother. CPAC brings out all the best stars! Also like her mother, no one is interested in paying Bristol Palin to yap these days, so she must offer as bribery a free signed copy of her senior year diary to the “first one hundred [...]
Teevee’s absolute worst offense against humankind “Dancing With the Stars” is now also teevee’s worst offense against that other section of beings “the teabaggers,” because one of the illiterate trolls in Andrew Breitbart’s stable of typing tumors at BigHollywood.com just, uh, happened to notice some costume designer dude on the show picking up a gorilla [...]
Is there anything left to add to the dumb saga of Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston’s eternal(ly profitable) turf war over the banal story of things going in and out of Bristol Palin’s uterus? NO, except for ONE HILARIOUS/DUMB THING, courtesy of the miserable AP reporter assigned to cull dirt from an advance copy of Levi Johnston’s [...]
What are the bitter, unemployed naked young people in Wasilla doing these days between meth come downs? Still aborting America’s collective remaining brain cells one by one with the gale-force toxic winds of their regularly scheduled rants rehashing the gross details of Bristol Palin’s achievements in unprotected sex? Yes, is your answer. Secondary Palin family [...]
There must be something in that Alaska soil that makes the young women there so fertile, at least the young women who spend a lot of time getting hammered and doing it, in said soil. America weeps this evening, because someone in the Palin family is apparently pregnant again. No, it is not Piper (yet), [...]
Who knows that in Oklahoma, the governor’s name is Mary Fallin, raise your hand? And it is pronounced “Mary Failin’” as though it rhymes with “Palin.” WHAT ARE THE ODDS? Therefore, on that basis, we will share with you this ridiculous video according to the laws of ridiculousness, in which staunch social conservative Mary Fallin’s [...]
Sex advice columnist Bristol Palin continues to roam the lower 48 doling out her witty repartee and shilling copies of her college entry essay (just kidding) to thousands of borderline-illiterate consumers who keep asking her when they can see the free teevee version instead. Who will get to play Bristol? We pick, uh, Matt Damon? [...]
Are we still talking about the sex lives of former teenagers in Alaska during the Sexy Summer of ’08? Well then, Levi Johnston’s sister, Mercede Johnston, has a hot new blog review of Bristol’s teen vampire fiction, Not Afraid of Publicity. According to Levi’s sister, who knows all about what Bristol did that summer because [...]
IS THIS THE END OF SNOWBILLY GRIFTING? The jihadist conspiracy of elitist liberal shopping mall patrons struck with merciless force yesterday at Minnesota’s Mall of America: only 300 people showed up to attend the Sarah and Bristol Palin book signing of Bristol’s new memoir about her life as a drunk pregnant teenager. The family abandoned [...]
Overhyped reality neutron starlet Bristol Palin continues to grift across the country shilling her new book about doing whippets on the backs of snowmobiles as a toddler growing up in Alaska, so we know at least one person in America still has a job. Oh look, and she has appeared on Sean Hannity’s Fox News [...]
Famous unemployed ex-pregnant person Bristol Palin released a “memoir” about something, we do not care what, except that she recounts how she lost her virginity to hillbilly idiot Levi Johnston while blacking out on wine coolers during a camping trip. This episode probably inspired the title of the book, called Not Afraid of Life: My [...]
Professional quitters the Palin clan are working on their resume again: Bristol Palin is moving out of her Phoenix narcomansion only six months after she paid $172,000 in cash for it. She’s renting it out for $1,400 a month so that YOU TOO can wake up each day in the angry meth wonderland exurbs of [...]
