bristol palin
If you every have picked up a copy of that dumb U.S. News ranking of schools and looked at the list, you have likely been surprised that something called “Washington University in St. Louis” is considered among the very best. Yes, that sounds like the name of one of those fake schools that steal government [...]
America’s princess, Bristol Palin, did an exclusive phone-in with these two minor-market FM morning show announcers all about the mysteries of her life — and she called in from her Arizona stucco ghetto foreclosure about 50 miles outside of Phoenix, surrounded by garbage and cotton fields and bits of rock, and you can almost see [...]
Yeah, this Palin embargo thing is not going to work out. Mercede Johnston is having some sort of Facebook fight with Bristol Palin. But more importantly, Mercede reveals Bristol’s secret Facebook account, which is under the brilliant porn name “Bristol Sheeran.” What can we see there? That kid of hers on the shoulders of some [...]
Hello! Has Satan ever kidnapped you at knife-point and then imprisoned you in his favorite fire dungeon, where thousands of sweaty young people “grind” to auto-tuned fart sounds accompanied by predictable bass lines and recycled MTV mashup samples, for the rest of eternity? It doesn’t even matter really, since these apocalyptic sex rites are performed [...]
If someone tries to tell your editor this is how backyards are supposed to look in the desert, then think about it for a second: Why are you living in a desert? Those aren’t for people. This is a prison yard. With enough space for her to round up some illegals with a citizen’s arrest [...]
Even though she bought some foreclosed stucco dump about an hour from Arizona State University’s “Cronkite School of TeeVee Journamalism,” Bristol Palin is not enrolled at this school, and the people in charge of this television academy in Arizona have told the local media that Bristol has nothing to do with the Cronkite TeeVee School. [...]
The extra garage is where the babies will live. [TMZ]
TMZ has learned that America’s greatest tabloid teenage prodigy, Bristol Palin, bought that giant foreclosed heap of architectural sin in exurban Arizona because she wants to attend America’s finest institution of higher learnin’, Arizona State, also known as “The Cambridge of the Great Air-Conditioned Desert.” Sure, your editor, who went to a private university with [...]
Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like the exciting news that 20-year-old Bristol Palin — known for getting pregnant as a teenager and not knowing how to dance at all — has bought a house! Hooray, Bristol! Times are tough for everyone, but somehow she scraped up $172,000 from under Sarah’s burrito wrappers on the couch and [...]
Bristol Palin has posted a new Facebook post, arguing about something or other with former comedian Margaret Cho, because Bristol wants to stretch out her time on the dancing teevee show into actual celebrity or something, we guess. Cho said some inane, unfunny thing about Bristol, so Bristol used the word “canard” again and also [...]
Bristol Palin went on official Palin family blog “The Facebook” today to attack Keith Olbermann and rouse the pity of the conservative faithful, just as her mother would. Touching. Instead of using the standard teenager speak she and her sister usually employ on Facebook, however, she translated her message to Olbermann with some interesting selections [...]
Bristol Palin did not triumph in the championship round of So You Think You Can Dance? That’s Funny You Would Think That last night. America’s most favorite Single Mama Grizzly lost to a lady named Jennifer Grey, who apparently danced her pants off even though she had a “ruptured disc.” (Bristol Palin lost to a [...]
My secret fantasy is to be on “Dancing” but of course I would never dare. I can see Len saying in a caustic British accent, “That was absolutely the worst Paso Doble I have ever seen in my 11 seasons on this show!” And Bruno, standing up, tearing at his hair, “What are you thinking?! [...]
Is Willow Palin about to have a baby? The National Enquirer says she recently “missed her period” (gah, your editor quits, again) and took a pregnancy test. Can we trust the Enquirer? How exactly do they keep track of this sixteen-year-old’s ovulation cycle? Sure, we could trust them if they said John Edwards got her [...]
