SARAH PALIN SHOULD PAY CANADA BACK, BECAUSE OF FREE MARKETS: Sarah Palin, talking to a bunch of Canadian fartsacks: “My first five years of life we spent in Skagway, Alaska, right there by Whitehorse. Believe it or not — this was in the ’60s — we used to hustle on over the border for health [...]
Feeling a little fancy today? You should be! If you’re Canadian, we mean …. Because the Bank of Canada has announced the Horrible Recession is over, done, finished, kaput, était finie. But only in Canada, and only for Canadians. Dang. [Canada.com/Globe and Mail]
Once upon a time Bill Clinton was a hot young maverick with an endearing taste for french fries and plump ladies, while George W. Bush charmed the world with his cockulicious flight-suit costumes and unquenchable thirst for near-beer. But now, compared to our elegant new president (Dr. Spock), these two guys just look like washed-up [...]
JESUS CHRIST, CANADA. Wonkette Loonie operative “David” writes that where he lives, in Canada, “The Representative of Her Majesty the Queen has raised the profile of the Monarchy in Canada by grabbing the beating heart out of a baby seal and eating live on camera.” It’s true, she really does — it’s in the newspapers!
Everyone’s talking about Dick Cheney this, Dick Cheney that… well we have a foto, from operative “Norbert,” of the former Vice President giving what eyewitnesses are calling “a speech in Brampton, Canada” this morning. Just pathetic what this man has become.
Just when you thought DC didn’t need another highly addictive, supposedly healthy frozen yogurt shop, Yogen Fruz went and opened a store on 14 and I, NW. Despite being, what, the fourth fro-yo (it’s what the cool kids call it) place to open in town in the last year or so, Yogen Fruz holds its [...]
WE ARE FAMOUS IN CANADA! The Canadian Press, which we are informed by a northerly tipster is “like the AP, only colder, and a little less exciting,” mentions your Wonkette as one of the American publications that poked “good-natured fun … at the breathless nature of Canada’s coverage of Obama’s visit.” Soon Wonkette will be [...]
CUTE CANADIAN LIVEBLOG OF HISTORIC OBAMA VISIT: Get the blow-by-blow of the most exciting thing to ever happen in Canada in the the history of history. Sample: “10:34:43 AM Why is the president not wearing his hat? Or *a* hat, at least?” [Macleans.ca]
Faithful commenter “Norbert” sends us this touching image from Canuckistan. President Obama will be visiting in a few days, and the Canadians are quite excited! “Here is a kind of lousy photo of a great restaurant window in my hood in Toronto (a city here in Canada),” our commenter instructs us. “Maybe he will like [...]
Oh jesus this is the cutest thing in the world. Our hairy-legged neighbors to the north are putting together a collection of songs for Barack Obama as a way of saying, “Would you like to come over and we can watch movies in my basement?” This thoughtful gift shall represent the very essence of Canada, [...]
Many have asked Wonkette to chime in on the insane constitutional crisis embroiling Canada’s idiot government these days, which is shocking, because well-to-do white nerd countries had supposedly given up on such uncouth measures as overthrowing the state. Slate’s posted a thorough summary of the whole thing; and if you’d like an “authentic” Canadian newspaper [...]
Sarah Palin’s speech was so nasty that she started shooting Canadian troops. Why would she do that? [Extreme Mortman]
A while back our boyfriend Alec Baldwin said he would go to Canada if George W. Bush was elected, but he ended up staying in country and calling his daughter a pig and Redeeming himself on a funny television show. Now his stupider brother Stephen is threatening to leave America one Baldwin poorer if Barack [...]
Hey Canada, what’s up? Oh, you like that Barack Obama? Yeah, it figures, being as you’re kind of quasi-Europeans. Except for Alberta, we guess. And probably the “Northwest Territories,” where the Snow King lives. Oh, you really like Barack Obama? You want him to be president of your own … uh, whatever it is, commonwealth [...]
Reporters were devastated this morning to find their best friend, John McCain, wearing two band-aids on the top of his head. Was he having some of his trademark cancer again? Worse! When he was in Canada, some shift-eyed car attacked him: “I was getting out of the car in Canada and I hit the roof [...]
