cnn
Whiny rodent Rick Santorum has faced a lot of prejudice lately, especially since gay people are out doing jihad to him, every single day. And even the non-gay people are ganging up on him now. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE BIGOTS, screams Rick Santorum. Presidential candidate Rick Santorum defended his position on gay marriage Tuesday while [...]
The polite term that CNN uses for Rahm Emanuel’s latest outburst is “feisty,” which is the sort of word your grandmother uses to describe the family’s screamer alcoholic uncle who goes off about how his disability check isn’t even enough to cover the cost of a new toilet seat when you ask him about the [...]
Eliot Spitzer is unemployed again, because ratings on his terrible CNN solo talk show “In the Arena” have repeatedly indicated that America is not interested in watching Spitzer sex himself on teevee. What about if Eliot Spitzer pays America to watch? Would she do it then? No, gross, just please go away. We have never [...]
Frozen shitsicle Rick Santorum went on CNN today to remind everyone that he cannot do math, he is illiterate and he has no idea how many people live or work in the United States, all in under 60 seconds. Here is the world according to Rick: gigantic failure Barack Obama created “only” 240 million jobs [...]
Hey, did you hear that Ron Paul — lifelong libertarian and opponent of the Drug War — has sponsored some federal legislation to end the marijuana prohibition? To CNN’s challenged cable-news hosts, this is shocking news, that a lifelong opponent of the Drug War would still be just like that. Here’s what the guest host [...]
You know when you buy some something, let’s say a “suit for work interviews,” and then everybody is wearing the same thing, including at the very building where you’re interviewing? Or, you know how you move to the Big City and suddenly everyone is gay, and you start wondering if maybe a lot more people [...]
According to the Anderson Cooper teevee show on Friday, Newt Gingrich has committed “discretions” in his past. This is a serious revelation! We, and Republican voters everywhere, demand CNN release evidence Newt Gingrich has ever exercised good judgment. EVEN IF IT HAPPENED ONCE, THAT SHOULD DISQUALIFY HIM FROM THE NOMINATION. [thanks to Wonkette operative "Benton" [...]
On this day many awful years ago, Bill Clinton’s government bulldozed and burnt down a rural house full of children and their moms. Why? Eh, who knows. Every couple of years the U.S. government needs to randomly massacre a bunch of its citizens just to keep everybody else in line. (Honestly, if you believe the [...]
One day you’re bringing home six figures from CNN, the next day you’re unemployed and apologizing to the fucking Jews and trying to figure out how to get paid from Twitter. That is the complete Wikipedia entry for Rick Sanchez, the dumbest anchorman since Ron Burgundy. And now, for reasons we cannot even begin to [...]
The mentally ill are such ideal teevee guests, aren’t they? Oh, good thing she brought that book along to show in case we wanted to buy one. Hadn’t heard of it. WAIT A SECOND, WHAT’S THAT ON HER PALM? Does that say “NH”? As in New Hampshire? Oh God, this woman is running for president. [...]
Surprise candidate Alvin Greene was soundly defeated in his second bid for elective office on Tuesday. He captured only 37 votes or just about .01% of the 3,892 cast in a Democratic primary to fill a state legislature seat to cover an area including his hometown of Manning, South Carolina. 37 is a lot more [...]
