By the Comics Curmudgeon Oh, the noble pig! This beast is the cleverest and friendliest of your barnyard animals — seriously, have you ever looked into the dim, soulless eyes of a cow or a chicken? — and is delicious when transformed into a whole panoply of meat products. Yet whenever it gets used in [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonMany differences of opinion mark the divide between real Americans and the sort of decadent, elitist sex-crazed weirdos who read this site. Perhaps one of the easiest ways to tell which category you fall into is to examine your attitude towards the Foreigns and sex perverts. Do you believe that America is [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonReaders, your Comics Curmudgeon apologizes for missing last week’s column, but you were all probably using alcohol, smoked meat products, and dangerous explosives to mask your self-loathing and economic despair and weren’t watching the Interhoo anyway, were you? You probably didn’t even notice that I was gone, after all I do for [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonHey, everybody, did you hear about the Health Care? Health Care is a very important issue facing us all today, and Obama has promised to Do Something about the Health Care? There is one slight problem with this: Health Care is very, very complicated, and any configuration of it is pretty much [...]
By the Comics Curmudgeon You would be forgiven if you assumed that the members of our political class were terrible killer cyborgs, sent from the future to kill us all, with skeletons and organs made from metal and plastic. Or perhaps you believe them to be terrible hell-demons, with skin made out of scales wrapped [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonMost people think that bunnies are cute and fuzzy and cuddly and lovable (like beloved Wonkette commenter Naked Bunny With A Whip). Most people are wrong. Within the heart of your run-of-the-mill, carrot-munching rabbit lies a monstrous carnivore that wants nothing more than to tear off your flesh with its razor-sharp incisors [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonAre you bored with run-of-the-mill conspiracies? “The Jews did 9/11!” Yawn. “Where’s Obama’s birth certificate?” Snooze. “The Illuminati pull the strings behind the world’s government!” That’s going to be the plot of a major motion picture directed by Ron fucking Howard and scheduled for summer release, my friend. No, to learn the [...]
By the Comics Curmudgeon What basic human impulse motivates the men and women who stride the corridors of power in our nation’s capital? Is it a desire to advance the interests of their nation? An urge to mold the government to reflect their political ideology? Do they wish to help their fellow citizens? Is it [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonOur political class is no mere machine, with individuals just cogs within it; no, our leaders can exercise free will and make decisions almost on a whim that have far-reaching implications, and this week one man has made just such a choice. I’m talking, of course, about David Souter, but that just [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonSo obviously, living in America today is one long roller-coaster ride of joy and
By the Comics CurmudgeonWhat is the single most important event to have occurred in recent U.S. political history? If you said “the election of our first black president” or “the financial crisis and the associated large-scale government intervention in the financial markets” or “the various wars” you would be WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. No, the watershed [...]
By the Comics Curmudgeon OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE THOSE GAY LIBERALS DONE NOW? They have taken Iowa, possibly our least gay state, and gayed it all up, with the gay marrying, and … such! One sign of the state’s previous extreme heterosexuality was Grant Wood’s famous painting, American Gothic! Boy, that sure is a [...]
By the Comics CurmudgeonIf you asked the average American in olden times (1960) what glories would await them, auto-wise, in the Mysterious Future Year of 2009, they would be all like “flying cars” and “nuclear-powered cars” and “cars operated by intelligent ro-bots.” They certainly would not say “cars made in Japan, because American automakers have [...]
