conservatives
HERE IS THAT JON STEWART THING WITH BILL O’REILLY: Good thing nobody has jobs anymore, because if they did, they would have to spend today working instead of looking at this interminable video, which is maybe interesting? Or not? Jon Stewart looks awfully … gray, in the face. “You’re lucky you’re not hanging from your [...]
Meanwhile, in the latest conservative news, the Republican mainstream continues to slide into ultra-nationalistic militaristic paranoia and championed white supremacy along the normal trajectory: the actual John Birch Society — the comically radical conservative organization of racists and psychotic libertarians who pretended to fight domestic commies, 50 years ago — has of course been named [...]
To the surprise of no one, Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison officially declared that she would be running for governor of Texas against Rick Perry, who could potentially serve FOURTEEN FRIGGING YEARS as head of that state. The race got off to a colorful unofficial start in late July when Internet sleuths discovered secret gay code [...]
Jenny Sanford and the four Sanford kids recently fled the South Carolina governor’s mansion with their Dignity, leaving Mark to stew alone in a massive house filled to the rafters with the stench of Disgrace. He says it is “hard,” living alone, like a ghost.
Last year, even some Democrats liked Mike Huckabee for two and a half seconds because he had “ideas” that went beyond “grind up the bottom 2 percent of earners into Hamburger Helper and give Fred Thompson another tax cut.” He said novel things about looking after the Poors and probably some other shit, who can [...]
America’s favorite orange-skinned reformed bachelor, Florida Governor Charlie Crist, is a pretty OK guy stuck with the unenviable task of governing a drooping land-phallus stuffed with meth fiends, unemployed real estate agents, and pythons. But now Crist has chosen to act like something of a dick to nice Sonia Sotomayor, for whom he would not [...]
There’s blood in the streets of Miami after notoriously not gay Father Alberto “Woman Kisser” Cutié called the Catholics “a bunch of lame-ass wankstas” and then defected to the Episcopal Church, which the Episcopalians used as a ripe opportunity to say massively disrespectful things about the Pope. Afraid of another Catholic drive-by, Cutié now wears [...]
Ha ha, Texas. Once this state secedes, where will the rest of America turn for laffs? (Answer: Oklahoma.) A senior strategist for Governor Rick Perry likened a more inclusive national Republican Party to a “whorehouse,” and all the GOP ladies in Texas just went nuts.
Several months ago Rahm Emanuel left his post in the House of Representatives and temporarily abandoned his ambitions to become the first nine-and-a-half-fingered Speaker of the House in order to crack skulls for Barack Obama. Today, the specialest of all special elections determines who will “fill his seat.”
Remember that goofy “Earth Hour” that took place whenever, sometime last week, when a bunch of Australian hippies unplugged their GORP generators for an hour to save the earth? Apparently some intrepid conservatives/global warming deniers decided to use MOAR ELECTIRICETIES during that same hour, just to be dicks!
It has happened — IT! YOU KNOW OF WHAT WE SPEAK. Jonah Goldberg and Kathryn Jean Lopez have officially merged to become the ultimate destructo-bot of carnage and murder and death as foretold by ancient prophecy: The Fat Mexican Secretary. For there is currently a column by “Jonah Goldberg” on National Review called “Big Bedfellows,” [...]
At this point everybody knows about how Sarah Palin griped at some GOP dinner last week about how there was nobody to pray with before the vice presidential debate besides her speech coach/daughter, Piper. And Jesus. Naturally, McCain aides who suffered by her side for months, TWO WHOLE MONTHS, are furious at the suggestion that [...]
