• February 13, 2012

consumerism

AND HAVING A SCOOTER OFFICIALLY MAKES YOU RICH

Heritage Foundation Guy: You Don’t Count As ‘Poor’ If You Own A TV

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

4:30 pm July 19, 2011

Over 40 million Americans live below the federal poverty line, defined in 2011 as $22,058 a year for a family of four, which is sort of an embarrassingly large percentage of dirty hobo children to have running around in God’s favorite country. How do we fix that, besides editing the numbers on the Wikipedia page? [...]

ZOMBIELAND OF 10000 LAKES

City of Minneapolis Pays $165k Settlement To Zombies

by Jack Stuef

5:15 pm August 24, 2010

Minneapolis’ city attorney’s office has agreed to pay a $165,000 settlement to seven people who dressed up as zombies to protest consumerism in 2006. Police had arrested the protesters for what they thought appeared to be a “weapon of mass destruction,” but hilariously was actually an iPod and some equipment to amplify this terrorist mp3 [...]

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Congressional Hearings Make For Great Baroque Madrigals

by Riley Waggaman

3:40 pm September 3, 2009

Barack Obama has everything he needs to take over the world (1,000 kilos of moutarde de Dijon, his mother-in-law’s crystal ball, and uh, Brookstone Tempur-Pedic Comfort-Step slippers). [TPM] In the words of Lenin: “A lie told often enough helps Jim Inhofe manage a chubby.” [Think Progress] L’Alberto, a new opera by the great Monteverdi, retells [...]

SPARE CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN

Terrible Michelle And Barack Obama Don’t Give Their Kids Birthday Presents

by Sara K. Smith

10:25 am July 25, 2008

Well, this is the topper. Barack Obama cannot be the American president because he refuses to participate in our glorious national tradition of giving our children lots of expensive plastic shit for them to choke on all the time. These communist Obamas throw birthday parties for their tots but do not give them actual presents. [...]