Wonkette

Today, a federal grand jury indicted Alaskan Sen. Ted Stevens on seven counts of “filing false financial disclosures.” Stevens is the biggest catch in a four-year-old corruption investigation involving pretty much all Alaskan politicians, one that’s complicated not because of the crimes committed — lots of bribery, basically — but because there was so freaking much crime to investigate. His indictment comes almost exactly a year after federal agents raided his home, and now he will go to jail and lose his Senate seat and remind everyone how evil the powerful Republicans are. MORE »

• SENATOR TED STEVENS INDICTED: The elusive Alaskan snow leopard who brought you “a series of tubes” has been indicted by a federal grand jury in relation to a year-long corruption investigation. [McClatchy]

Hey, here is a sexy state scandal while we wait for Hopey to set up his podium ‘n stuff! Pennsylvania State House Majority Leader H. William DeWeese might have to resign because his chief of staff allegedly hired some youngster he (the chief of staff, Michael Manzo) was banging to do pretty much nothing for $30,000 a year. Because all these people are Democrats, it’s a boring heterosexual affair, and while this story could be improved if the gal had been making, oh, ten times that pitiful amount, we’ll work with it. Hilarious details after the jump. MORE »

• GOOD-BYE, VOTERS, I’M GOING TO PRISON! Convicted bribe-taking Alaskan state Rep. Vic Kohring spent his last hours of freedom today standing on the roadside with a home-made “THANKS ALASKA” sign, waving at people driving past him. He got caught in some Ted Stevens’ scam, and now he’s off to a federal prison in the Mojave Desert for up to 3-1/2 years. [TPM Muckraker]

THE AWFUL TRUTH: Your editor contributed some money to a political candidate once. Who got the $30? Oh, walnuts …. [Political Machine]

The jury reached a verdict in the corruption trial of Chicago “slum landlord” Tony Rezko, the sleazy best friend of Barack Obama. Rezko was a prominent fundraiser for Obama back in the day, and even helped him buy his Hope Mansion in Chicago, and then they started dating, but Obama was too careerist commit to a gay relationship on the side. And that’s a good thing, because Tony won’t be around for trysts no mo’! He was convicted of “12 counts of wire and mail fraud, two counts of money laundering and two counts of aiding and abetting bribery.” But what’s the worst the judge could throw at him for such petty misdemeanors? Oh: “300 years in prison.” So what? Obama will pardon him in January, 2017, because why not? [Chicago Tribune]

Here is John McCain, dressed in a Budweiser-NASCAR costume, with his $100-million-dollar wife, who owns Budweiser, and NASCAR hero and Iraq War promoter Dale Earnhardt (Junior), the president of the Confederacy. MORE »

Hey, the Governor of New York runs a prostitution ring of sex prostitutes! The New York Times says this is true! This is funny because Eliot Spitzer was supposedly Mr. “I will crack down on the prostitution rings,” but he apparently really meant “I will destroy the competition.” Speculate wildly as to what this is all about, if you like! [New York Times]

You know that congressman from Arizona who brought shame on his family of 12 children when he got indicted today in some very complicated scheme that had, unfortunately, nothing to do with attractive lobbyists or underaged congressional pages? Well, there are two things that make his long-anticipated “fall from grace” hilarious even if this scandal is not terribly sexy, gross, or weird. MORE »