criminals
Almost a year after the worst oil spill in Recorded History, the picturesque Gulf Coast is once again teeming with life: From Mexico to Florida, small children are building sand condos, birds are squawking “thanks for cleaning all that oil off me, you guys rule,” and delicious popcorn shrimps are jumping out of the clean [...]
Here’s the worst thing we’ve read all weekend, and that’s saying a lot. It’s the story of a guy who was prosecuted by a rogue IRS agent who literally picks his targets by watching movies and scanning the highways for expensive cars. Ha, sure, why not? And it’s also the story of how someone involved [...]
Oh lookee, the nation’s primary employer of high-school dropouts stealing your laptop and feeling up your 13-year-old daughter in airport security lines now says it’s “irresponsible” for you to opt-out of being stuck into a dangerous radiation chamber that produces x-ray porno pictures of Americans paying hundreds or thousands of dollars to fly on a [...]
The first year and a half or so of the ’00s sure seem pretty awesome in retrospect, right? The worst we had to worry about was Al Gore’s “lock box” and the sudden discovery that maybe sometimes corporations acted in the interests of their own short-term profit, rather than for the greater good of society! [...]
Jack Abramoff! Remember that guy? Corrupt lobbyist something something Congressman A something something Filipina sex slaves blah blah golf junkets yadda yadda yadda WHATEVER, you can Google this business yourself, what do we look like, your personal political scandal historians? We’re all about the future, not the past, and in the future, Jack Abramoff, who [...]
Former New York State Senate Leader Joseph Bruno, who was exactly half the reason why New York State government was such an amusement park of dysfunction (the other half being Assembly Leader Sheldon Silver), has been convicted of a crime, hooray! Two crimes, actually, involving doing paid “consultant” work for some dude who also wanted [...]
Here’s Democratic lieutenant governor candidate Scott Lee Cohen, of “tries to stab and murder his prostitute girlfriend” fame, trying to “clear his name” on the teevee yesterday or maybe today. Also: no alimony payments, steroids… good lord! Was his primary opponent Rod Blagojevich? [YouTube]
Hooray, some “White House contractors” have located 22 million emails missing from the Bush Administration’s eight-year crime spree. Some do-gooder group or another sued the White House for access to these obviously incriminating records of daily operations under Bush/Cheney, and whaddya know, 22 million emails were suddenly found, probably on a thumb drive in Alberto [...]
Love is in the air! Famous first daughter Chelsea Clinton is getting married to some guy she’s shacked up with, in Manhattan. He’s a Wall Street hotshot, and everybody loves those guys. And his dad is a convicted felon who recently got out of FEDERAL PRISON. The Clintons: Still making everybody else look better. [Chicago [...]
Well, people of Detroit, it appears you did not pray hard enough for Monica Conyers, and now she may have to go to jail for a while. The Detroit City Council President Pro Tem and completely insane violent creep Mrs. Conyers, wife of US Representative John Conyers, pleaded guilty to conspiracy this morning in connection [...]
As periodic as the Indian monsoons are the indictments of Rudy Giuliani’s best friend, Bernie Kerik. He was nearly made the Secretary of Homeland Security in 2004, but then he had to withdraw his nomination on account of “nanny problems,” which is DC slang for “a closet so full of skeletons and crookery that he [...]
Hey remember just like a couple months ago when everybody was so angry over the AIG bonuses? Get ready to be outraged all over again because duh, of course a whole bunch of people knew these bonuses were going to be awarded and they did nothing to stop it because they were too busy saving [...]
So when the news came out about AIG spending hundreds of millions of dollars on bonuses for the incredible losers who, in running one tiny tiny segment of a huge and otherwise very stable company, managed to completely destroy the whole company and indeed the entire global economy, AIG said, “Well obviously we cannot get [...]
