daily briefing
Happy Summer Solstice, Earthlings! Your Earth is bleeding maybe 100,000 barrels of crude oil per day through its Gulf Hole, according to secret BP documents that are no longer secret, thanks to Rep. Ed Markey releasing these no-longer-secret documents. 100,000! That’s a little more than 60,000 barrels — if by “little” you mean, “NO NOOOO [...]
The public shaming of BP chief executive Tony Hayward continues this morning, with Congress finally getting its chance to yell at the wealthy CEO of the company responsible for the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, which is now two months old and officially way the hell bigger than anybody would announce in public until yesterday. [...]
Legendary White House Crone Helen Thomas got herself pushed into retirement finally, at age 89, over a bizarre outburst into a rabbi’s video camera about how the Israeli Jews need to go “back [to] Poland, Germany,” etc. Was it the White House press corps’ fault for letting the increasingly shrill lady keep yelling her Democratic [...]
Meg Whitman, who hit “buy it now” on the most expensive GOP primary campaign for the unwanted job of Governor of California, is much like Carly Fiorina, who cut the market value of Hewlett Packard by a remarkable 60% during her dismal reign as CEO of that company before spending millions of her own fortune [...]
Beloved American comedian Rush Limbaugh met a lady while he was divorcing his third wife a few years back, and now that new lady is Limbaugh’s fourth wife. Exciting! But how do you make such a special once-every-couple-of-years event even more exciting? If you’re Rush Limbaugh, you pay One Million Dollars to a very famous [...]
America’s first black Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid, was written off for dead by the so-called experts because of the mighty, mighty Republican/Teabagger opponents running against him in Nevada. Gosh, the Tea Party even drove many of their sedans and creaking RVs to Reid’s tiny mining-post hometown of Searchlight, where Alaskan anger bear Sarah Palin [...]
Republican nobody “Honolulu City Councilman Charles Djou” won a special election in Honolulu on Saturday, taking 39% of the vote in a three-way contest against two Democrats. A major win for the GOP and the final proof that Barack Obama wasn’t born in Hawaii? Maybe! Also, there’s absolutely no way in Hell/Hawaii that this “Charles [...]
For unknown reasons, former tech executive Meg Whitman decided she wanted to be the Republican candidate for governor, in California. Whitman has already spent $68 million of her fortune on this campaign, and now her 50-point lead in the polls is down to 9 percent. That is a pretty terrible return on her investment!
How excited are you for today’s four-state super-sexy primary election? WELL THAT’S NOT ENOUGH, TRY AGAIN, THIS TIME WITH MORE EXCITEMENT. Doctor Rand Paul (son of Saint Paul, from the Bible) will likely/maybe beat the hell out of Mitch McConnell and Jim Bunning’s unwanted love-child, Trey Grayson, while old Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter looks pretty [...]
The global economy appears to be in freefall, with Asian markets dropping more than 2% and the Euro dropping to four-year lows against everything. Meanwhile, the U.S. economy seems to be on the mend, finally, but also nobody really believes this, in their hearts, and unemployment is still officially at 9.9% — the real rate [...]
America’s legendary “dream team” of John Kerry and Joe Lieberman reunited to unveil their exciting new Senate bill that’s unlikely to change carbon emissions in America — especially because it’s unlikely to pass the Senate. Why? Because Lindsey Graham was only going to show the special bill to his Republican boyfriends because of all the [...]
Liberals are butt-hurt because the Democrats always pick namby-pamby moderates for the Supreme Court while Republicans always pick unrepentant partisan hacks desperate to get the Constitution back to its pre-13th Amendment purity. But sometimes, Republican presidents screw up and accidentally pick a liberal. That’s what happened with David Souter … whatever happened to that guy, [...]
