dead people
It seems we’re working on an “Arizona Trilogy” today, as part of “Trilogy Week” here at Wonkette. (Yesterday was “Americans Unleash Vile Hate On American Muslims” day. Did you enjoy that?) Anyway, the third of our Arizona Stories today concerns 575-pound Blair River, a shockingly fat person who occasionally worked as the spokesmodel for the [...]
Ancient lizard god Ronald Reagan achieved many things during his 93 years on Planet Earth, one of which was the actual creation of Planet Earth (modern conservative scholars will confirm this, so don’t argue). It seems our greatest president’s 100th birthday will occur this February 6 (mark your calendar with eagle tears, plan a seance, [...]
It’s morning in America, for reals this time! The United States has finally honored its favorite sanitation robot that toiled for 800 years cleaning up the Earth after fat slob humans trashed the whole place. That’s right, WALL-E is now on a postage stamp, so that very old people who still pay bills with stamps [...]
Look out your window: Is there a stampede of wretched liberals flailing their arms and making wild animal sounds? Those liberals are running as fast as they can to the “local municipal court house,” so that they can pick up a copy of the “death roll” and then vote bazillions of times using False Dead [...]
Dick Cheney is still alive? Yes, and his wife interviewed him. She asked the obvious questions (“So, how does it feel to steal another orphan’s heart, so that you can live for an extra three weeks?”): The former vice president appeared frail and noticeably thinner during a weekend Q&A at the Bakersfield Business Conference in [...]
Hey, remember in 2008 when you voted for America’s Next Top President? Many people voted for “Barack Obama” but also a reasonable number of folks voted “John McCain” (Yours Truly voted for “Bart Simpson,” the real candidate of Change). According to a Venn diagram over at the Daily Beast, people who live in states that [...]
One of Jan Brewer’s favorite hobbies is searching for all the human heads that are geocached in the desert. (Sometimes these heads are not even “cached,” and can be seen rolling around like tumbleweeds.) This is why Jan Brewer got PTSD when reporters hounded her about “desert beheadings” during her first and ONLY debate — [...]
People from the Radio-Television Correspondents Association have sent a “formal complaint” to Senate Rules Committee Chairman Chuck Schumer because the Senate has denied C-SPAN the permission to provide round-the-clock coverage of people looking at Robert Byrd’s wrinkly old corpse as it lies in state in the Senate Chamber. It is implied that Byrd’s family doesn’t [...]
Bill Clinton would rather be a dead President than an alive non-President, he announced, apropos of let’s just say nothing in Istanbul on Monday. “It’s good that we have a (term) limit. Otherwise I would have stayed until I was carried away in a coffin. Or defeated in an election.” Six in one, half dozen [...]
