Democrats
Here’s a bit of hilarious congressional procedural warfare we will type about to avoid posting whatever additional lunatic opinions Rick Santorum has expressed in the course of the day: House minority squad captain Nancy Pelosi led a small army of six kamikaze Democratic representatives in a storming of the chamber floor to stage some kind [...]
Ha ha, here is a fun new study that proves everybody would basically like to trade the 2012 presidential election for, say, a massive asteroid strike: Gallup asked voters how jazzed they were for the Obama-Not Romney campaign year, and people basically started weeping and vomiting, simultaneously, into their phones. “Given a choice, 70% of [...]
NEW YORK—Big news this morning out of the Bureau of Labor Statistics: the unemployment rate dropped! Like, a lot! People without jobs are now at the lowest number they’ve been at since six months or so after the economy fell off a cliff (which, it should be noted, still remains at an astoundingly high 13.3 [...]
The Democratic Party is still not entirely sure what to do with this “Occupy Wall Street” stuff beyond allowing for a few cautious statements from one or another “liberal” member of Congress let out of the pen for a few minutes to say something to the effect of “it’s possible people might be somewhat fed [...]
A lot of politicians “run for office,” apparently, and to do this they need something called a “war chest,” which sounds ominous but is really just a bank account full of money from their supporters/overlords. Now, supposedly that money is meant for running for office only, and not for, say, plunking down $7,725 so you [...]
Democrats are not known for their hardball, but when it comes to, uh, Internet domain names, they apparently do not fuck around -– just ask disgraced former lobbyist and Zionist pizza shill Jack Abramoff, who is asking nicely, pretty please, for the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee to relinquish its death grip as the current owners [...]
California is a very broke-ass state, and so apparently, are its politicians: San Francisco’s Democratic Assemblywoman Mary Hayashi got caught lifting a few thousand dollars’ worth of merchandise from official rich person store Nieman Marcus. How very “Winona Ryder” of her! Come on, though, just go steal something more normal for a politician, like “education” [...]
Pea-brained dingus Rick Santorum’s fading vanity campaign may only be garnering him support from a statistically zero quantity of voters, but he is still the most likely to be voted “president of being a human-shaped dildo,” in our hearts! Santorum has identified the shadowy cabal of struggling single moms as America’s True Enemies of Freedom, [...]
Bored dingbat San Diego County GOP chairman Tony Krvaric got kicked off Twitter after he registered a half dozen fake accounts to the names of his Democratic opponents, because he is a vindictive weirdo who isn’t smart enough to blame this kind of banal malarkey on some intern. Instead he’s wearing it around like a Boy [...]
Here are some of the news story quotes we woke up to this morning, GAH: ancient tribal casino chieftain Harry Reid “pulled the nuclear option” trick in the Senate and as a result the entire chamber is now “in chaos,” (because it is enveloped in a giant ball of radioactive flames) and the Republicans are [...]
South Carolina governor Nikki Haley — last seen demanding full cooperation from her miserable state employees’ souls with a demented Orwellian decree that they answer their office phones cheerfully or else — has very few actual ideas about how to improve the nosebleed-inducing altitude of the state’s unemployment rate, so she’s trying some role-play with [...]
A shocking new Gallup poll proves that 81% of Americans — an all-time record — are against the American Government, while 82% are against Congress specifically. And 49% of Americans believe the U.S. Government is “an immediate threat to the rights and freedoms of ordinary citizens.” But to read POLITICO, you’d think we’re just in [...]
Orange warrior John Boehner is vomiting bullets all over Capitol Hill today, because the small army of whiny Tea Party jackoffs in his caucus voted against a GOP-authored continuing resolution to fund the federal government for another seven weeks, even though Kim Jong Boehner told them to just shut up and pass the dumb thing. [...]
Taxes! They are necessary! Which is exactly the sort of thing a socialist Harvard law professor like Elizabeth Warren would say, for socialism, but the kids on the Internet are going wild over this video of newly-minted Massachusetts Senate candidate Warren explaining why it is evil for greedy millionaires to complain about taxes that support public [...]
