Democrats
Our modern-day Bill Clinton — you know, because Democrats + Boners + Twitter = Modern Day Bill Clinton — is giving a press conference now, about his weiner. He tearfully acknowledges that he maybe took pictures of his groin, with his iPhone or whatever, and sent them to a lady. And now he must resign [...]
Great news for the Democrats: They are once again winning congressional seats in weird rural areas full of old men in overalls plucking banjos from the comfort of sofas placed on sagging wooden porches. Even better news for the Women’s Movement: The Democrat who just won a rural upstate New York State congressional seat is [...]
Haha, what? The Los Angeles Times reports: The Republican-led House failed to pass an extension of expiring sections of the Patriot Act on Tuesday, an unexpected setback for GOP leaders that shows the difficulty they face in controlling their majority and its “tea party”-inspired members. Time is short: Key provisions of the terrorist surveillance law [...]
Almost everything of morbid interest about today’s mass shooting in Tuscon can be found in our previous post. The latest version of the news is this: Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, a popular Democrat representing Arizona’s liberal refuge of Tuscon, was shot through the head by a suspect identified as 22-year-old Jared Loughner. Giffords is now out [...]
Many tried to top the Epic Comedy of Christine O’Donnell’s actual political commercial about being a witch, but only one brave man could approach the occult pathos of the Delaware Masturbation Witch’s official campaign advertisements, and that was this guy. Who else made us ashamed in 2010? Oh pretty much everybody, but these six videos [...]
The Democrats will “win” today, because of cellphones: A lot of American adults (now about one-quarter of them) have ditched landlines and rely exclusively on mobile phones, and a lot of pollsters don’t call mobile phones. Cellphone-only voters tend to be younger, more urban, and less white — all Democratic demographics — and a study [...]
Some of you sheeple are probably voting for the candidates with the best “ideas” in November, which is embarrassing and ignorant. Real Americans vote for the political hack with the most money to spend on slanderous teevee ads and racist billboards. This is how proper Democracy works, so please stop with the sniveling. But if [...]
George Soros claims that he cares about progressive issues, like wealth redistribution and recycling dead people to make new, eco-friendly “hemp people” (and then aborting these hemp creatures, before they become actual people). George Soros is a fraud and a liar: Mr. Soros, a champion of liberal causes, has been directing his money to groups [...]
Should we liveblog the Jerry v. Meg death match? Well, we just held an election on Twitter and we won with 99.7% of the vote! So join us at 6PM California Death-Heat Time for the California Gov Debate, starring the Jedi monk Jerry Brown (of California’s famous 1970s) and that person whose face is on [...]
Democrats came back from their August recess and were finally going to do something! They were going to extend Bush’s tax cuts for the middle class! But apparently it is now too scary for the party that once dropped an actual atomic bomb on its opponents to bring this thing to a vote of any [...]
