dick cheney
Oh, other people shouted stuff at Dick Cheney yesterday at CPAC. Don’t think you’re safe from a little underground bunker torture, Paultards. He’s still alive, you know.
Hey, look who we ran into in the hallway! It’s that guy who killed all the people. A pleasant fellow to say the least. But why won’t he answer our questions about his health and, more specifically, the classic Sega Genesis video game Sonic the Hedgehog? What is he trying to hide? Video inside.
DICK CHENEY HAS GONE SOFT. All you need to do is look at this screengrab from the Today show. Yes, that’s him discussing Angry Birds, a smartphone game commonly played by people who don’t have millions of brown people at their fingertips to murder at will. It’s a sign that his body’s evolved venom sacs, [...]
Lamestream media types are always speculating when/if Dick Cheney will club another homeless child to death and then steal his vital organs, so that Cheney will be able to live an extra week. (The media also enjoys asking if Andrew Breitbart likes boys.) Anyway! America’s most frightening former vice president says he is facing “end-stage [...]
This article is by Jack Stuef. HAS DICK CHENEY MELLOWED? That is the conclusion of The New York Times, who noted that he is no longer openly calling for the assassination of Barack Obama on Fox News. So what is he up to these days? Sure, he no longer has a pulse, but this is [...]
Barack Obama welcomed the cast of Glee to worship with him and Michelle at his dog-cult shrine and White House. Dick Cheney managed to bribe his way out of being shipped to Nigeria like a lowly Wikileaker. Wikileaks founder and Helen Mirren stunt-double Julian Assange was finally released on bail, so he can now get [...]
Halliburton has agreed to pay a $250 million fine to Nigeria after the country brought bribery charges against the corporation’s former CEO, revered and forthright statesman Dick Cheney, and nine others, for their dealings in the 1990s. So yes, the old adage is true: There are no bribery-related legal problems that can’t be solved with [...]
A Halliburton technician encharged with monitoring pressure data on America’s most hated oil rig, the Deepwater Horizon, failed to see signs leading to the explosion that resulted in this year’s Gulf oil spill because he was taking a break to smoke and get some coffee, he told a federal panel. Joseph E. Keith would have [...]
George W. Bush broke ground on his presidential library of children’s book boxed-sets packed with plush characters Monday, and look who was on hand. Why, if it’s not the Angel of Death himself! Yes, Dick Cheney, who does not have a pulse, we remind you, was on hand to show everyone his hott new well-toned [...]
The most misunderstood American patriot and author of No Country For Old Men, Joseph McCarthy, is finally getting the historical revisionism he deserves. [Washington Times] Our fascist government has to — get this — PAY for jailing illegal immigrants. Why not just throw them into a tire fire? [Fox News] Because Muslims shamelessly worship that [...]
Cigarettes are going to cease to exist forever because the FDA has unveiled new, scarier anti-smoking warnings that will cover 50% of the front of cigarette packaging. But because these warning pictures were made by bureaucrats, they’re not actually that scary. Where’s the photo of a cigarette chopping a guy’s dick in half? C’mon, government. [...]
Although Bush did not like Cheney’s image as described by critics, accepting his resignation offer would help “demonstrate that I was in charge,” he writes. Bush said he talked to aides about asking Republican Sen. Bill Frist to run with him instead of Cheney, but ultimately stuck with Cheney because he valued his steady hand. [...]
Considering Dick Cheney no longer has a pulse, one would think he would want to reflect back on his life and try to right any wrongs. Except this is Dick Cheney we’re talking about, a man who has never done anything wrong. It turns out Harry Whittington is a very genial, spry old man who [...]
Dick Cheney is still alive? Yes, and his wife interviewed him. She asked the obvious questions (“So, how does it feel to steal another orphan’s heart, so that you can live for an extra three weeks?”): The former vice president appeared frail and noticeably thinner during a weekend Q&A at the Bakersfield Business Conference in [...]
