dick cheney
We realize that today is 9/11 Eve, and you are planning on spending your evening with friends and family in merriment. Sadly, this has become such a commercialized holiday, and it’s important to remember the little things that make 9/11 so special. The true meaning of 9/11 is that it handed George W. Bush a [...]
YOUR UPDATE ON THE HEALTH OF OLD REPUBLICAN FORMER OFFICE HOLDERS: Former Senator Ted Stevens, his son, and ex-NASA head and current military-industrial complex shill Sean O’Keefe were on a small plane in Alaska that crashed earlier today. It is not known if they survived, though local authorities say that there are survivors, so keep [...]
Some doctor man (don’t get near Glenn Beck!) wrote about Dick Cheney’s Polly Pocket robot heart in today’s The New York Times, and it turns out Dick Cheney no longer has a pulse, though he is stubbornly still alive. Dick Cheney’s blood now just flows continually, like the River Styx. He doesn’t need your lowly [...]
Iraq/Katrina/Florida Recount hero Dick Cheney may have finally used up his five death deferments. The beloved 69-year-old former vice president now has a “ventricular assist device” — or a dual-battery heart pump — implanted in his abdomen with motors churning the blood through his otherwise dead heart. The pumps “were once used only to keep [...]
New York Yankees owner Geroge Steinbrenner keeled over and died of a heart attack this morning to the amusement of baseball fans everywhere. He was 80 in terms of human-years and is best remembered for breaking the hearts of children across the country for decades by taking their favorite players and giving them ridiculous amounts [...]
Now that we’ve all had time to mourn Robert Byrd, let’s talk replacements! West Virginia’s Secretary of State has stared at the confusing law-words on the subject and announced that Democratic Governor Manchin can appoint some Democrat to fill out almost the whole rest of Byrd’s term; a special election will be held in 2012 [...]
First, it’s not going to be “justice” when Dick Cheney finally drops dead. He’s an old man, a sick & diseased 69-year-old blob of bitter fat and gristle and plastic. If the poisonous toad had been run over by a manure truck about thirty years ago, that would’ve been evidence of the Great Cosmic Wheels [...]
Troubled oil giant BP, which just wants its life back, is having a “bad news year” and needs the kind of experienced press flak who’s got plenty of experience lying for America’s most evil people. This is, after all, America — despite the Gulf of Mexico’s mysterious “Mexican Name” that keeps Sarah Palin confused every [...]
Proving once again that Dick Cheney only likes gay people if their last name is “Cheney,” the evil heart monster emerged from his Northern Virginia abattoir today to endorse Floridian wingnut Marco Rubio’s Senate primary run against Republican Charlie Crist. The Rubio-Teabagger campaign released a statement from Cheney calling Crist — again, the Republican governor [...]
Doctor St. Rand “The Son” Paul is kicking his opponent’s ass in the Kentucky GOP Senate primary, big time. This is bad for Establishment Republicans who love endless war and terror and torture. They had hand-selected this guy Trey Grayson to represent their love of death in the Senate, and now he can’t even beat [...]
And here we all were thinking “chest pains.” We should have known that for Dick Cheney, mild chest pains are actually mild heart attacks, and doctors have now determined that he did have one of these yesterday — his fifth! But he didn’t die so you all can make fun of him. (David Denby would [...]
Official Wonkette CPAC spy Garrett Quinn took this cell-phone picture of a very handsome and distinguished plaid blazer, probably bought in 1979 at the Sears men’s sale. Oh, and what’s on this lovely sportscoat? A political firebomb, that’s what! Dick Cheney –the chuckling horror sack who designed and directed the moral, financial and military bankruptcy [...]
LIZ CHENEY INTRODUCES SURPRISE GUEST DICK CHENEY. Pants off, everyone! 2-18-10: where were you when the one memorable news event of the day happened? [YouTube]
