Wonkette

Oh goodness, Barack Obama might talk about a “new kind of politics,” but he said John McCain was old and he beat Hillary Clinton. That’s not ch-change we can be-elieve in! It is like this Obama fellow is a professional politician, or something. [New York Observer]

Whenever the American people get tired of Hillary Clinton’s joyless tirades, the candidate switches things up by going on a “listening tour.” These are wonderful public events in which people get to say they went to a Clinton rally without having to suffer through 40 minutes of hectoring. Instead, voters get some time to bitch at the candidate who sits there in blessed silence and then reaps a few points’ bounce in the polls. It is basically the most brilliant campaign innovation since the push poll. So now, of course, plagiarist Barack Obama is doing some sort of “listening” event in Clinton’s stronghold of Western Pennsylvania. MORE »

When brave CPA and proud Christian conservative Chris Peden decided to run against incumbent Congressman Ron Paul in Texas’ 14th Congressional District, there was one challenge he didn’t count on: Hillary Clinton. And now it appears the Senator from New York may prove just as adept at ruining things for Republicans as she is for hope-loving Democrats! MORE »

God has revealed to me that these foursupporters, with the full authority and knowledge of Dr. Rep. Ron Paul, have entered into a secret option contract with the Central Canadian government to consummate the purchase Manitoba by the second week of November, 2008-using funds donated to the Dr. Rep. Ron Paul campaign-in the event that Dr. Rep. Ron Paul fails to win the election. [Dominionists for Tancredo 2008]

Hey everybody, a political campaign maybe was involved in putting up a website saying bad stuff about another candidate. Can you believe this? It seems that some guy put up this site PhoneyFred.org, and then it turns out the guy is the business partner of a Mitt Romney campaign official, but no way did Mitt’s campaign have anything to do with it, but even so Mitt’s campaign managed to completely disappear the entire site from the Internets. All that remains in the Google cache is one text-only page, and that will surely vanish too, so we have bravely saved the text and are posting it here for posterity. Never Forget!

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Willard “Mitt” Romney’s hideous industrial park headquarters in Boston’s North End were broken into late last night, according to the Globe. Several computers and a television were reportedly stolen in what Romney’s campaign calls “a routine burglary.” And you know what that means: this is a conspiracy that goes to the very highest reaches of the US government. Of course, unless the Globe has a crack CIA plant “metro reporter” with conveniently high-level sources feeding him the details as part of an inter-agency bureaucratic war, we may never know what really went down at the Romneygate. MORE »

A tipster sends in this charming flier, which he says he was handed while in South Carolina for Monday’s Democratic Debate. Click to enlarge that sucker, you won’t be disappointed. This little broadside was apparently plastered all over Charleston, though our only source for that is the anonymous tipster who sent this to another blog — and who we’re pretty sure is also our tipster, as both felt the need to point out that “this is what is wrong with politics.” MORE »

Last month, we all laughed at long-haired nerdy little teenage MC Rove talking to Dan Rather in 1972 about how much he loved Richard Nixon. Of course, while we were laughing, Karl was fucking shit up. MORE »

Despite worshiping a different Jeebus, Masshole Mitt Romney is running as the “social conservative,” so his campaign will obviously need to focus on John WALNUTS! McCain’s drunken life of constant divorce and fathering black children in South Carolina or whatever. MORE »