disasters
Seepage and “undetermined anomalies at the well head” are being reported during the extended test phase of this fancy new wondercap. There are no pictures of this legendary seepage but the mere mention of the word is reminding everyone of watching uncomfortable Depends commercials with their grandparents. The Coast Guard is going to let BP [...]
Scantily clad Greenpeace and Earthjustice hippies are simultaneously covering themselves in chocolate and suing BP. Impressive. [New Orleans Times Picayune] The new contraption on the oil well is fixed again. It is ready to drink its milkshake until it breaks again. [Houston Chronicle/New York Times] Roving gangs of New Black Panthers and ACORNS vandalize BP [...]
JUDGE BLOCK DEE-WATER DRILLING MORATIORIUM, say the Associated Presses, all grammatical-like. That’s right! Rand Paul 1, Statists 0. U.S. District Judge Martin Feldman in New Orleans decided New Orleans has not had enough trouble. “What we need, folks, is more oil spills up in here,” he probably said, though who knows because BREAKING NEWS. So [...]
You know what’s awful? That mineral-management whatzit agency that let BP crap oil all over the Gulf of Mexico forever. How can America best change its dangerous, corrupt mining policies? And what was it called, again? Jesus doesn’t anybody remember anything in this country? No? Well, anyway, to change the subject, have you heard about [...]
Noted oil-industry shill Sarah Palin is so darned upset about that oil spill down in Mexico’s Gulf of New Orleans, she’s ready to beg for mercy at the feet of the Biggest Government of All. Why won’t Sarah Palin use her real-’murican can-do spirit to plug the danged hole instead of leaning on God, who [...]
Happy Summer Solstice, Earthlings! Your Earth is bleeding maybe 100,000 barrels of crude oil per day through its Gulf Hole, according to secret BP documents that are no longer secret, thanks to Rep. Ed Markey releasing these no-longer-secret documents. 100,000! That’s a little more than 60,000 barrels — if by “little” you mean, “NO NOOOO [...]
Famous congressional punching bag Tony Hayward will have a “different role” at BP, according to British Petroleum’s teevee channel, “SkyNews.” We read this on the Twitter, which is where all important news is now posted, so we won’t notice it. BP’s chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg, last in the news for incorrectly referring to America’s fat people [...]
OKAY NOW THE ACTION IS HAPPENING. Tony Hayward just took his Oath of Grillin’ and some lady is cold going nuts, yelling and screaming, oil all over her head, five or six Capitol police dragging her out. Tony just sitting there, trying not to look behind him. Oh jesus what a circus, welcome to America! [...]
The public shaming of BP chief executive Tony Hayward continues this morning, with Congress finally getting its chance to yell at the wealthy CEO of the company responsible for the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, which is now two months old and officially way the hell bigger than anybody would announce in public until yesterday. [...]
