disasters
Here’s Barack Obama and Tony Hayward and the rest of the sad BP people and bitter White House people sitting around sipping glasses of lukewarm vinegar ‘n tears, earlier today. People are usually really excited to go to the White House, even if they hate the president or whatever, but we’re pretty sure all these [...]
Over the past year or so, our nation’s finest celebrities and citizens with camcorders have come together to help us gather up the sweet, sweet oil that is shooting into Mexico’s ocean and trying to get to freedom on America’s shores. There hasn’t been much success so far, but our friends at British Petroleum have [...]
Hello there, quite sorry about all of this. Terrible mess everywhere, isn’t it? Tony Hayward here, BP CEO, just popping in here at Wonkette to say, once again, that I’m awfully sorry about the troubles with the well. That crude oil does seem to get everywhere, doesn’t it? Like children tracking in mud from the [...]
We are sorry to bring up Waterworld, but it’s the only thing that came to mind. Kevin Costner + Some sort of Trouble At Sea? Anyway, we just noticed the actor on the CSPAN, somberly barking at BP officials for not buying his machine, and a YouTube search turned up this set of local news [...]
Today’s Dirty Dozen American Primary Election is also the Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill’s 50th Day. Did you get BP a present? It’s a testament to the constant spastic churn of the news cycle that this oil disaster already feels really old, like something from last summer or maybe even 2005. But the spill began [...]
Sure, “giant shears.” That should do it. [AP/Fox News as re-imagined by Wonkette Operative "Slushy D."]
Troubled oil giant BP, which just wants its life back, is having a “bad news year” and needs the kind of experienced press flak who’s got plenty of experience lying for America’s most evil people. This is, after all, America — despite the Gulf of Mexico’s mysterious “Mexican Name” that keeps Sarah Palin confused every [...]
Happy Memorial Day, Americans! (Because of the Constitution, you are the only people on the planet to have a day honoring your soldiers, so enjoy it! Foreigners just cold eat their war casualties, “to avenge the fallen.”) And don’t turn on the news radio or look at the Internet, except for the usual porn and [...]
Dimpled fascist Rick Santorum basically committed himself to running for the President of Republicans, in 2012! At least, this is what he told a bunch of Catholic leaders at the Catholic Leadership conference, which was held somewhere over the weekend at some point. Your Wonkette guessed as much was true when back in August Santorum [...]
RED LINE KILLS AGAIN: “Metro reports a person was struck and killed by a Red Line train at Forest Glen this afternoon. The transit authority said it appeared the person was on the tracks deliberately.” Yeah they always say that. [Washington Post]
NASA, which means FAIL in the Moon Man language, has announced the doomed zillion-dollar replacement for the rust-bucket death-trap space shuttles that haven’t yet blown up won’t be ready until at least September of 2014, which means “never” in the Moon Man language.
