dnc denver
What’s with the giant blue bear outside the Colorado Convention Center, anyway? Why is he doing the “paws up, bear trash” thing against the glass wall? According to the artist, the monster mutant is just, you know, looking into the convention center like some awful blue Peeping Tom street masturbator. It’s a commentary on the [...]
The most important thing to know about the Pepsi Center is that it smells like fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies at the entrance. The reason this is important is that you will get lost a million times, because the whole thing is designed like a labyrinth for repelling enemy invaders: all hallways and floors look exactly [...]
Here is why we missed Ted Kennedy: after entering the Pepsi Center, it takes eight or nine hours to figure out where you are supposed to park your ass and start typing. Also, we were getting chicken fingers. How was Teddy anyway? People were clapping, the sounds suggested. Here is probably where we were supposed [...]
Hey everyone. Sorry we have not been on the Internets much! They have… so much… SECURITY at this place — The Pepsi Center — as well as LOTS OF CONFUSING AREAS. It’s probably much simpler to navigate when the beloved Nuggets basketball team is playing a game here. OMG saw Samuel L. Jackson on the [...]
We advise all readers to crush at least four shots of cheap Canadian whiskey before turning on CNN during this convention. They have been talking all afternoon about, what else, The Clintons and their Drama. CNN’s Denver headquarters are comically located here at the “CNN Grill,” which we assume is supposed to highlight some vague [...]
Press level, Pepsi Center, 2 p.m. “Mountain Time.”
Last night, your “Polaroid Liz” Glover went to some party in Denver called like, “James Carville’s Cajun Bayou Bash!” No but really: it was some hokey New Orleans stereotype-athon, hosted by James Carville, to show support for HURRICANE KATRINA. Here’s how Liz describes Carville at his own creepy party: “I got a contact high from [...]
Mmm, happy hour with the RNC and PUMAs. Sign us up. Obviously the RNC cares so much about Hillary voters that, um, they’re not letting any of them in: “Space is limited, and attendees must present both a valid DNCC and press organization credential to gain admittance.” So really… what’s going on here. [RNC]
The downtown Sheraton in Denver was handing out WOODEN key cards, made of WOOD, as part of the Democrats’ secret plan to embarrass themselves in front of the nation with their deliriously impractical solutions to such urgent problems as America’s overreliance on plastic hotel key cards. Of course these wooden key cards did not work [...]
First the suspicious package, now this. By Tuesday, Steve Doocey will be rappelling in to personally mace Hillary Clinton onstage. [Denver Post]
Offensive Cocktail Dress To Blame For Michelle Obama’s Failure Of A Speech
by Sara K. Smith
Watching Michelle Obama’s speech last night, you might have been struck by how deeply shameful it is that such an obviously smart and decent person must repeatedly assure the public of her patriotism so that a nation of suspicious and resentful idiots don’t think she’s planning to bomb their local scrapbooking club with a Socialist [...]