• February 12, 2012

dope

There is nothing quite like an early summer morning around our nation’s Capitol, where happy families are wandering lost and smiling and snapping pictures and lining up for tours of the grand slave-built palace of democracy. But why are they so happy, when they’re wandering lost in the crushing heat and wilting humidity, and where [...]

The Republicans were so proud of their shitty new website, “America Speaking Out.” They got the finest 1970s NASA computer technology to power the immediately broken & buggy webform — instead of letting the Free Market work by using Formspring or whatever — and then they were sad when a bunch of Wonkette readers filled [...]

The Nightmare in the Gulf of Mexico claimed another victim Monday: Arnold Schwarzenegger’s big plan to fund California’s cash-starved state parks with offshore drilling along the coast where the most popular state parks are located. It was the kind of brilliant piss-everybody-off scheme that Schwarzenegger has excelled at during his seven years as governor. So [...]

Kenyan freedom fighter George Hussein Obama, savagely arrested over the weekend for either possessing a single joint or owning all marijuana ever, and fighting the cops over it, has been released. All charges dropped! The Kenyan police now say it was all, heh heh, a misunderstanding.

OBAMA BRO BUSTED FOR ONE JOINT! Oh noes, one of Barack Obama’s million half-brothers somewhere got arrested, for having a single joint. Where does this dude live, Oklahoma? No, the slums of Kenya! So the cops are just going to fuck with anyone named “Obama” for the next eight years. [Gawker/Telegraph]