earthquakes
Our latest sources say terrible whiny loser Eric Cantor was apparently the actual target of the 5.9 5.8-magnitude earthquake the reptile gods of space launched at the East Coast today, because the epicenter of the quake was smack in the middle of Eric Cantor’s seventh congressional district in Virginia. Sorry, angry cosmic overlords, huge whiff: Eric [...]
Wow, God’s aim is getting sloppy these days: news reports indicate that so far the Pentagon and the National Cathedral, aka His military and His crib, were the only significant locations to have sustained damage in Washington, D.C. following the exotic 5.9-magnitude earthquake that hit shortly before 2 pm ET. CNN reports that “a considerable amount [...]
A true disaster: Time to move away from those fault lines. There’s no way you’re safe now. If it’s humanly possible to cause earthquakes, that will probably be the result of this. Obviously, this is an crisis. [Twitter]
If God was angry about those Peter King hearings, he shouldn’t have taken it out on Japan. But here’s the verdict at this hour: Hundreds of bodies have washed up from the tsunami, people are being evacuated to and fro, and dozens of what would normally seem to be very bad earthquakes are hitting Japan [...]
Sarah Palin told Sean Hannity that she is embarrassed for Republicans — embarrassed! — because they are so squeamish about cutting the budget. What a bunch of faeries! “We need much greater cuts,” said Sarah, in the most unspecific and worthless way possible. “Republicans need to be bold and strong and they need those steel [...]
Yikes … also, Wonkette’s Jack Stuef is going to Japan tomorrow (really! for his “week off”). Good luck everybody! Watch live video from CNN International on Justin.tv
WORLD UPDATE: It turns there are other things going on besides Sarah Palin being on Facebook! Libya is still on fire, literally in many places. Wisconsin is still on fire, figuratively speaking. God even wanted to get into the act, throwing an earthquake New Zealand’s way so it would catch on fire, very much literally. [...]
TODAY’S CATASTROPHIC EARTHQUAKE: Hmm, any Major Nations overdue for a punishing temblor? China, maybe? Very big country, lots of people, not really smacked down by the 2010 Parade of Death Quakes. So, China it is: “At least 300 people have died and others are trapped under rubble after a magnitude-6.9 earthquake struck China’s Qinghai province.” [...]
Do you live on Earth? Then you may soon be the Victim of an Earthquake! Experts say they have never seen so many goddamned earthquakes in what, three months? Does the world hate us? Just for killing all the creatures and building strip malls everywhere and digging up all the mountains to make the components [...]
Get it? “Earthquake,” “unshaken”? ZING BAM POW. Next up: “Haiti? More like CHEETAH!” What, who says you can’t use any of the Tiger Woods puns for other news stories? Anyway, congratulations to Jesus, for pulling off another fast one. [CNN]
Nearly a hundred were killed in flooding caused by an 8.0 undersea earthquake (and a bunch of diligent, follow-up tsunamis) in Samoa and American Samoa. [New York Times] New evidence suggests that the terrorist group responsible for last year’s Mumbai hotel violence is still way into terrorism, despite the fact that this makes them kind [...]
