• February 12, 2012

Egypt

Egypt’s toppled president Hosni Mubarak is “clinically depressed” as he remains in a Sharm el Sheikh hospital, a senior Egyptian official told FOX News Tuesday. Doctors said the ousted leader spends all day in bed and is eating very little with his wife Suzanne by his side, the official added. Look what you did, Obama’s [...]

Hey, Hosni Mubarak is “back” — from Comaland? — and has been detained for questioning by the new and terrible Egyptian military regime (which loves murdering demonstrators and throwing helpless bloggers in jail). And now Mubarak will be forced to answer allegations of widespread corruption, abuse of authority and the killing of protesters during his [...]

Warnings of impending class revolt in America are showing up in the weirdest places these days — like Vanity Fair magazine, which just published this terse summary of the situation by Joseph E. Stiglitz. And Stiglitz isn’t talking about, say, the “Ron Paul Revolution,” where some deluded people send money to a wealthy libertarian congressman [...]

Have you been enjoying a vicarious revolutionary buzz because you also look at the Facebook website sometimes? Well then you will be very pleased to know that an Egyptian guy named his newborn daughter “Facebook” — we’re guessing the mother wasn’t consulted? — because the website Facebook was one of the methods of communication used [...]

OMG, you guys, Glenn Beck loves the nation-state so much. It is his favorite kind of world order. But according to his latest airtight theory, the United Nations, Wisconsin protestors, and Muslim Brotherhood are all in communication with each other about overthrowing the nature of international governance by making a single, Marxist, Islamist world government [...]

WE KNEW IT! That Google thought it could win over our trust by keeping secret about our favorite porn and about our weird health fears, but now it’s gone too far: It’s single-handedly taken down Glenn Beck’s best bro, Hosni Mubarak. Look, this isn’t a political thing. Glenn Beck didn’t like it when Bing gave [...]

There are whoops and there are whoops. So is this entertainment show going to be paired with Two and a Half Men? That seems like a good fit. [screenshot courtesy Wonkette operative "Laura M."]

CBS News correspondent Lara Logan is recovering in a hospital after becoming the victim of an unspeakable act of mob violence in Egypt, a “brutal and sustained sexual assault and beating before being saved by a group of women and an estimated 20 Egyptian soldiers,” according to a CBS release. The Internet, which is good [...]

There is so much civil disobedience happening everywhere, except here in terrible America, where it is probably needed the most: Mubarak is in coma-exile, Iran just exploded again, and there’s been all sorts of anti-government protests and political unrest in Bahrain, Yemen and Libya. The United States has lots of navy boats stationed in Bahrain, [...]

Uh? Hosni Mubarak allegedly collapsed after his last public address and then fell into a magic coma! And now he’ll have to be airlifted to a special not-in-Egypt “coma treatment” center, amiright? And the $70 billion that Mubarak fleeced from the Egyptian people will also have an enormous coma and then disappear forever. Haha, Mubarak [...]

Whoa, guess where the latest Muslim-land protests are happening? Iran! A funny thing is how Iran’s religious-fanatic leadership first praised the Egyptian revolution (which has been officially been named the January 25 Revolution, which like all date-based revolution names will never be used outside of the country in question), because maybe Egypt would become a [...]

Egyptian military leaders say they are dissolving the pro-Mubarak parliament and suspending the constitution, with the intention (allegedly) of holding elections within the next two months. Military police are still trying to mop up the remaining protesters in Tahrir Square, and banks are closed until Wednesday due to protests by National Bank workers, so basically [...]

Did you have any doubt that this existed? Los Angeles cartoonist Lalo Alcaraz posted it to Twitter yesterday. But the Internet is so slow in Egypt this week, it took until just now for it to finally download on Hosni Mubarak’s iPhone. And then he resigned and Egypt was free of tyranny, just like that! [...]

The Egyptian Revolution is Victorious! Well, Hosni Mubarak finally quit, after last night’s ridiculously offensive quitting speech that actually ended up being a dull lecture full of lies by the guy who hasn’t budged in three decades. Anyway, now he’s gone! Must’ve been the shoes thrown all over the place, because that’s how we got [...]

GOODBYE FOREVER: “Hosni Mubarak has resigned as president of Egypt, the country’s vice president said in a brief statement Friday. Omar Suleiman, speaking on state television, said Mubarak had decided to give up ‘the office of the president of the republic’ and said the Supreme Council of the armed forces would “run the affairs of [...]