eric cantor
Say, it sure has been a long time since we checked in with Orly Taitz, America’s leading dentist lawyer sanitation-worker waitress accountant fisherman actuary marketing-consultant mortician art-dealer publicist miner bishop truck-driver CEO carpenter professional-basketball-player dolphin. Hey, look, there she is hanging out with Eric Cantor! Those two are a classic comedy duo. Yes, poor Eric [...]
Michele Bachmann and Steve King stood up for the antebellum south, who have been totally ignored since that runaway Kenyan slave became president. Perfect virgin Bristol Palin memorized some new vocabulary words to defend her honor against the ruler of Dictionopolis, Keith Olbermann. The elite state of science reporting was threatened by ignorant bloggers who [...]
The Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery has removed a video exhibit portraying the suffering of an AIDS victim because the Catholic League complained and John Boehner and Eric Cantor whined and threatened the institution’s funding. The video in question features a bit of footage of a crucifix sitting on a pile of dirt and ants, some [...]
The creaky and lonesome ol’ town of Americaville — no longer a boomtown, not yet a ghost town — just ain’t been the same since that corrupt mayor, mean ol’ Barry Obammer, took office and made every cowpoke, whore, gamblin’ man, Injun and saloon piano player sad as a still sagebrush. The citizens of Americaville [...]
What this year’s crop of insane GOP/Teabagger candidates had lacked, so far, was really only a Tea Party-backed Republican nominee hand-selected as one of Eric Cantor’s “Young Guns” who also spent all his spare time dressed up like an actual Nazi Waffen SS soldier playing German Invasion in the woods around Toledo. And now, the [...]
Virginia Congress-Whip Eric Cantor and his fellow Republican “Young Guns” Kevin McCarthy and Paul Ryan have collaborated on Young Guns: A New Generation of Conservative Leaders, a new novel that captures the vigor and vitality of America’s most sensible political movement. But will anyone actually buy this holy text when it comes out next month, [...]
Jewish ‘Ex-Gay’ Group JONAH Pioneers ‘Take Off Your Pants, Touch Yourself’ Method of De-Gayification
Do you find yourself to be “gay and Jewish,” but wish you could shake the “gay” part? Well, then just remove your pants, stand in front of this mirror and stroke yourself for me, and you’ll be the lady-romancing “Eric Cantor” of your local shul before you know it! The senior counselor for JONAH, (Jews [...]
Hey, it’s Eric Cantor, talking like a nine-year-old girl as usual — no offense to nine-year-old girls! — about nothing. He is introducing the Republicans’ latest brilliant policy plan YOUCUT — or rather, YouCut. It’s like YouTube, but completely different in every way: the Republicans list a bunch of tiny federal budget measures and have [...]
March’s employment figures have come in and show what everyone expected: just enough jobs (162,000) were added last month to keep up with average growth in the labor force! FACT/STATISTIC: First month of positive job growth in more than two years (so pathetic). WHAT IT MEANS FOR YOUR POCKYBOOK: Everything. Money. Glory. ERIC CANTOR WHAT [...]
He threatened George W. Bush and Barack Obama and David Duke and Harry Reid and the talking pig-god Babe, and we did nothing.
You know Lucifer, right? “He was a pig god, that’s all he was.” And because of this, famous American video star Norman Leboon Sr. demands that the 20-year-old children’s movie Babe be removed from all video stores, OR NORMAN WILL BURN DOWN THE MALLS, all of them. Also: He’s gay?
Hooray for History’s Greatest Victim, Eric Cantor! Finally, after police immediately dismissed his bullshit claim that somebody shot up his office (a stray bullet fired at the sky had landed outside his ghetto office in Richmond), authorities have found an actual insane person on YouTube who threatened poor little Eric on YouTube! The same deranged [...]
