financial crisis
Dearest Wonkette readers. Now would be an appropriate time to grab a drink and reassess the value of, you know, representative democracy as an effective form of government at all. If you’ve been watching CNN for the last couple of hours… well, we’re right there with you. Oh god CNN is now looking at Internet [...]
CANNED GOODS STOCKS SOAR: See, it went like this: Wonkette told people to buy canned goods, and the markets immediately reacted. Wonkette stock lady operative “Nicole” writes, “Just noticed that Campbell Soup Co. is currently the # 2 ‘Top Mover’ stock.” Capitalism!
Newt Gingrich is a lying loser who hasn’t been in power for like 10 years. And yet, he still controls everything in the world. In the last week he’s been leading the right-wing rebellion against the bailout — yelling about socialism, ranting about the pushy Democratic leadership, calling for Hank Paulson’s resignation. We get press [...]
OH GOD, SUCH LOSERS: They just banged the gavel for the bailout vote, and some Republican (who voted against it) asked about a motion to reconsider. So is he just going to vote for it if they raise it a second time — which they probably will, in some form — so as to say [...]
Ahh, looks like that Bailout Compromise is going to pass in the House eas… ACK, it’s not going to pass. Well! The economy was fun while it lasted. You can watch exciting live footage of the vote at CNN.com. Now it’s 228 nay, 205 YAY. The Dow has dropped more than 600 points in the [...]
It’s Monday, meaning a bank fell. A major bank, felled. Or didn’t fall? Just “sold off” its entire banking operations: “Citigroup will acquire the banking operations of the Wachovia Corporation, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation said Monday morning, the latest bank to fall victim to the distressed mortgage market.” While the F.D.I.C. chairman says Wachovia [...]
Wonkette tipster “Joe,” a FORMER Washington Mutual account holder, writes: “So I went to check my account and saw this. Apparently the Chinese who now own my account can’t bear to watch either.” YOU RACIST, but close enough! FEEL THE WHOO HOO!
Ahem, “Inside an intense White House meeting over the financial crisis on Thursday, where nearly every key player came to an agreement on the outlines of the bailout package, Sen. John McCain stuck out. The Republican candidate, according to sources with direct knowledge, sat quiet through most of the meeting, never offered specifics, and spoke [...]
The CNN lady just said, direct quote: “Most of McCain’s day was spent on the phone in his office, trying to get the lay of the land, before going to the White House.” What a productive impact! He spent all day asking other people what the fuck was even happening, and then he went to [...]
Two days ago John McCain admitted he hadn’t read Hank Paulson’s bailout plan yet. Paulson’s plan was written in words, after all, and these desperate times call for ACTION, not elitist do-nothing words. John McCain will mime his own bailout solution before Congress on Friday during the presidential debate. [YouTube via TPM]
John McCain’s whole brilliant scheme to bail Sarah Palin out of the debates will only work if his Republican pals refuse to come up with a financial plan for saving America until … enh, Monday or so. But now it looks like everybody is getting on the same page and working together in the spirit [...]
Here is a brilliant switcheroo! John McCain proposes delaying his debate if he has not singlehandedly resolved America’s financial crisis by tomorrow, so that way he and Barack Obama can debate next Thursday — the night when Sarah Palin and Joe Biden were set to debate. And then once they’ve rescheduled the Palin/Biden debate, John [...]
Hmm so yes, this is what it’s come to: our national financial crisis was predicted by a comic book movie about a villain with a lumpy white sliced-up face. This mashup of George Bush’s sad address from last night and Heath Ledger’s bravura performance as an insane person with drymouth is dreadfully offensive to the [...]
