florida
Newt Gingrich thinks it’s really inauthentic of President Obama to hold an event inside the gates of Disney World. It’s elitist, he implied, during an event of his own in Bluffton, SC on Thursday, because the event is “invitation only,” and it shows just how fake Obama is, because Disney World is not a real [...]
Mitt Romney released a Spanish-language ad in Florida Wednesday in an attempt to put a swift end to the other presidential hobbyists’ efforts to prevent him from having to concede to President Obama in November. ODDLY, Romney’s ad comes just as he’s earned the endorsement (and endorsed the endorsement, obviously, because he has no friends) [...]
It wasn’t exactly clear what Michelle Obama did to get sent to what is probably the equivalent of Gitmo, for people who care about their health, but mean old Barry banished our FLOTUS to a NASCAR event on Sunday to cheer on The Troops, and by that we of course mean, “campaign for Barack Obama, [...]
Herman Cain is visiting Miami these days to absorb a little of the local culture and make nice with some Latino voters, and maybe even learn a little bit from one of their many languages! Surrounded by much fanfare, Cain enjoyed a pastry at the [Versailles Restaurant's] bakery, asking at one point with his mouth [...]
Wow. This is a very acerbic Sarah Palin dressed up in a classic batshit old hag “leopard print muu-muu, beehive and spectacles” ensemble as she practically snarls at the retirement home folk who were bussed in to nap through her speech at Disneyworld. (And oh look, she’s standing behind a sign that is exactly one [...]
Further proof Rick Scott is a demon robot from outer space: he has not yet not learned where one of the major urban areas in the state he governs is, because he arrived in Florida from his desolate home asteroid-space landfill too recently. When reporters from the St. Petersburg Times mentioned to him that the [...]
Even tense fringe hillbillies like Terry Jones have clued into the fact that there’s money to be made off a long-shot Republican presidential run this time around owing to the fact that the weepy, undecided GOP base is full of hungry fear junkies who’ll immediately trade campaign donations in exchange for their frenzy fix faster [...]
Grim hairless weasel Rick Scott’s idea of defending democracy is to pass a hated law to make sure that minorities and students (read: dangerous liberals) in Florida are never again allowed to participate in the electoral process, which means that a high school civics teacher who organized a run-of-the-mill voter registration drive at her school is now [...]
Damaged-goods dingbat Sarah Palin is so unpopular and forgotten these days that only Florida’s state GOP wants her around, at a trade-show rubber-chicken dinner, at Disneyworld. Palin has apparently accepted an offer to jabber for a few minutes in exchange for a platter of convention food and a bag of soiled dollar bills. But she’s [...]
Oh, Florida. Florida Florida Florida. Crackhead ideas just grow on trees as bountifully as the citrus in Florida, don’t they? But this one is an especially cloudy, yellowed gem with a particularly elegant “Republican-trucker diner-firing squad execution” trifecta of tragicomedy that will be our new standard in redneck crazy: once upon a few days ago, [...]
Space monster/invoked demon Rick Scott is clearly not a human. Children everywhere know Rick Scott’s face very well: It is what they see during nightmares, the soulless mask of non-human evil as personified by Lord Voldemort in the demonic Halloween books by J.K. Rowling. Rick Scott has laughed off such accusations, in his inhuman laugh, [...]
Florida GOP state Rep. Ritch Workman’s got a hawt new job creation proposal to, er, bring back “dwarf tossing,” a bizarre bar sport thing where intoxicated idiots pay money to fling little people around the room like shot puts, to amuse the drunks. Florida outlawed this in 1989 for obvious reasons, which means that this [...]
Florida and other teabagger-ruled feifdoms like Georgia, Michigan and Arizona are all spending millions of dollars trying to prove unsuccessfully that their state welfare rolls are riddled with wretched socialist junkies who rush straight to spend their 26 government cents or whatever on a pile of smack first chance. This is idiotic. The real junkies are [...]
Insane Anonymous Internet Racist Turns Out To Be Florida GOP Politician
by Kirsten Boyd Johnson
HOO-WEE, everyone strap in, the St. Petersburg Times has discovered that one of the more frothing racist loons littering the comments section on its news articles with vulgar diatribes is — GASP — an elected Republican officeholder! These types of reports are the only thing on the Internet more common than those annoying “FIVE SECRETS [...]