florida
Florida governor Rick Scott is one of those charming sociopath fundamentalist teabagger fiscal responsibility screamers who will nonetheless spend millions of taxpayer dollars to make absolutely sure that the government isn’t giving a single $104 check to a poor drug user even as the state cuts school funding, just to prove he is an annoying [...]
The whiny lizards running the state of Florida are expected to start shit by declaring their GOP primary date January 31st, a week before the scheduled Feb. 6 date of the holy Iowa caucuses and well ahead of the other three sacred starter contests in New Hampshire, Nevada and South Carolina. Therefore, everyone panic. Look, Florida, [...]
The cranky, fearful Republican Orcs of Broward County, Florida heard there was a MUSLIM, yes that’s a right a MUSLIM trying to join their little treehouse club of dingbats with the bizarre explanation that he, too, was a Republican. Forsooth, evil terrorist? Their childish response was to immediately change all the rules for club entry [...]
No not another one! Yes, another one! We will do some liveblogging on this, maybe? To give Kirsten Boyd Johnson a break so she can “do something at night” (cry), maybe? Yes! We do hope you’ve picked up the usual giant-sized condoms full of vodka and ice axes, and that you’re ready to join us [...]
CNN’s spambots have been trolling our inbox since approximately forever with their creepy propaganda for this ludicrously billed “First Ever Tea Party Republican Debate” war film starring rusty news studio camera tripod Wolf Blitzer, an event which is neither the first “Tea Party debate” nor even the first Republican debate in the last week. We [...]
The military apparently taught Allen West conflict resolution real good, since his latest grasping ploy to end 9/11 amounts to telling Islam (which did 9/11) more loudly that Allen West does not care one bit for 9/11 (which did Islam). Here is Allen West talking at an event he hosted in Florida to promote an [...]
Shrill caustic harpie Michele Bachmann is so excited to destroy any rare ecosystem at all with her maniacal dream of drilling gaping holes into the country’s environmental preserves that she (predictably) forgot to check her Everglades National Park treasure map to see whether there was actually any oil buried under her latest senseless target to [...]
Here’s an important legal advisory for Florida residents the rest of us can laugh at: it is apparently unlawful in the state of Florida to shack up with a sexytime partner outside of wedlock, if you are straight. Homo sex does not count as real sex in Florida, so teh gayz are in the clear [...]
Erratic pill gobbler Michele Bachmann is so in touch with her God that she can figure out, like, super fast how to read God’s messages in everyday things: three red lights in a row means, “only two Diet Cokes before lunch;” getting exactly $4.56 in change at the Wal-Mart means “time to clear out Marcus’s [...]
Those crazy Florida welfare princes! Always lining up for their fat government checks with dirty syringes dangling from their shriveled purple arms, right? Haha, wrong! Florida governor Rick Scott’s incompetent proposal to save state money by requiring welfare recipients to pass a drug test has turned up a rousing 2% positive result among those tested, [...]
Perennially unpopular Florida governor Rick Scott’s doomed attempts at constituent relations mostly consist of harassing robocalls filled with Rick Scott’s whimpering voice being piped across Florida telephone lines into millions of unwilling eardrums like some incurable mutant Ebola virus of audio assault infecting everyone’s dinner time. WELL GUESS WHAT? Florida can play that game, too, Rick! [...]
Oh, Florida, it is America’s treasured swampland. It is a place ruled by those important “small town values” and giant biblical structures donated by local highway construction hot-shots. Or at least it was, until some Jesus-hatin’ foreigner came in and ruined everything, because that is how these stories go. Thank the Almighty for the USA [...]
Dinosaur Wars 2011 brings you this update from Gainesville, Florida, where creationist wingnuts are attacking the vehicles of University of Florida biology professors with religious pamphlets and rusty nails, because that’s how you formulate an argument if you’re an idiot. Or… we don’t know, maybe it’s secretly clever, because these individual specimens are among the [...]
