fourth of july
OH YEEHAW THA FORF OF JULY, time for the awful racist slobs of Lexington, Kentucky to put on their best “warding off the coloreds and the Muslins” finery in honor of Jesus, Hitler and Thomas Jefferson. Do you like seeing the hate-bomb that is puking all over the American flag, on this man’s t-shirt? Does [...]
In case you fall off a diving board or something this weekend, and land on your head and forget what country you’re in, this is a pretty good weekend, because there will be a hundred or so American Flags wherever you look. Approximately 235 years ago today — the exact date has been lost to [...]
Marist University saw that the Fourth of July was coming up and decided to commission a poll to show how stupid we all are. The question: “From which country did the United States win its independence?” Marist was surely expecting only 2% of Americans to know the answer. CNN.com was also prepared for the results [...]
By the Comics Curmudgeon Birthdays are always a riot when you’re young, right? The cake … the presents … the party … it’s your day, and your parents are the ones who organize the whole thing. But as you grow older, your birthday becomes more melancholy, eventually representing both an occasion where you have to [...]
It’s here, the special long summer weekend when we pretend to love America and forget about the pesky wars — except for the War of Independence against British Petroleum — and constant disasters such as oil spills and other government failures. Although, courtesy of the World Cup, America has already been exalted four times already [...]
This Independence Day is going to be amazing because our savior, Barack Obama, is in the White House, and therefore America is once again a country worth celebrating! Follow our Do’s and Don’ts to make this July 4th the most enjoyable than any since 1776.
Because the Obama Administration hates Iran’s freedoms so much, it has rescinded permission for U.S. embassies to invite Iranian diplomats to their Fourth of July parties. Come on, parents, don’t take it out on the kids! Robert Gibbs said the change in policy came about “given the events of the past many days,” referring to [...]
MOOOOOM, CAN… CAN MY IRANIAN DIPLOMATIC EQUIVALENT SPEND THE NIGHT, PLEEEEASE?: “In a new overture to Iran, the Obama administration has authorized U.S. embassies around the world to invite Iranian officials to Independence Day parties they host on or around July 4th. A State Department cable sent to all U.S. embassies and consulates late last [...]
If the town of Woodward, Oklahoma wore pants, it would be shitting them right now. The president is coming to visit, you see! No, not that president — the real one, with the sticker. He will make this 4th of July the most exciting holiday since Opal Cornhole’s goat got into the vodka-filled watermelon and [...]
Hello everyone. How were your Fourth of July weeks? Well that’s wonderful. The worst Fourth of July experience this year was probably that of Jesse Helms, who hilariously died. But important founding father Thomas Jefferson also died on the Fourth of July (five, ten years ago-ish), and that’s why President Bush spent his holiday at [...]
