GOP
Early-onset dementia poster child Rick Perry is still, STILL waging his quixotic battle to correctly and consistently identify the same three federal agencies he is proposing to excise from government ever since that magical debate performance last November. This is apparently a MENSA-level test question for a Texas governor. Perry got a slow-pitch softball from [...]
SHAME on your Wonkette for forgetting to follow up on the final results for the 9th thru 87th place finishers in the New Hampshire GOP primary! Well anyway, here is the “important” part: the (openly) gay dude beat Michele Bachmann! She quit the race several days before the primary of course, but that is SO [...]
Now listen here, Mitt Romney would just like to say, it is awfully unsporting of Barack Obama to go jaunting about on his campaign trail rousing mischief among the rabble and inciting their passions until they are envious of Mittens’ lovely piles of money. MANNERS. The correct way to address this dirty business of the [...]
Mitt Romney released a Spanish-language ad in Florida Wednesday in an attempt to put a swift end to the other presidential hobbyists’ efforts to prevent him from having to concede to President Obama in November. ODDLY, Romney’s ad comes just as he’s earned the endorsement (and endorsed the endorsement, obviously, because he has no friends) [...]
Retired Cuban dictator and longtime U.S.-affairs pundit Fidel Castro has just totally had it with this smarmy, smooth-talking Nobama dude, so in a surprise move he took to his weekly column in Granma to declare his support for, uh, the “robot” candidate. WILL THIS HURT MITT ROMNEY IN FLORIDA? “Isn’t the worst part that there [...]
Ha ha, the 2012 GOP primary season may turn out to be a boring one, but at least it will be really, really weird: here, for example, is amoral Fox News imp-turd Sean Hannity staring in disbelief as Rick Perry smacks down Mitt Romney for being a “vulture capitalist” over and over like a drugged [...]
While being an openly gay Republican seems about as sane as carrying a nail-studded two-by-four around so you can mutilate yourself on the half-hour, the “Log Cabin Republicans” continue to be an actual thing. And they have put out a statement about tonight’s exciting New Hampshire primary results. They’re quite pleased with the results! “By [...]
NO we have not yet entered the 2012 general election phase of America’s ongoing destruction, but YES, it is time for a Wonkette drinking game, because how else was anyone planning to survive the hailstorm of dildos raining Apocalypse and Gloom on our nation from the New Hampshire GOP primary tonight? Yeah, WE THOUGHT SO. [...]
In a quite unfunny Republican lavatory phenomenon, relatively speaking, the New Jersey Assembly’s Republican leader Alex DeCroce, 75, was found dead Monday night in a bathroom in the New Jersey Statehouse. Eerily, Monday was the last day of the State Legislature’s current session. The cause of death is unclear. DeCroce, who was an early supporter [...]
Here is a thing that Newt Gingrich said in New Hampshire, Newt Gingrich, he said this, are you ready for it? GET READY: “You have to ask the question, is capitalism really about the ability of a handful of rich people to manipulate the lives of thousands of people and then walk off with the [...]
Remember how Ron Paul has been shuffling around complaining, for decades, about the newz media always ignoring his presidential campaigns to death? Those were the days! Now he is complaining that they are MOBBING his campaign, also to death, because of an actual mob of journalists who chased after him into a New Hampshire diner [...]
It seems reasonable to predict that about ninety-nine out of every hundred news analysis pieces about Mitt Romney from now until the general election are going to be making the argument that Mittens is a black hole for strongly-held convictions who appears to be running for office since it just sort of seems like the [...]
Ready to ruin your Saturday night? Then please join us, as we liveblog the New Hampshire ABC News secret-handjob 2012 debate. Let’s hurt together, the way Santorum would want Jesus to hurt us, should we accidentally have the buttsex. Mitt Romney, known as “the guy who is really spending a lot of money to be [...]
While “fastest mind in the West” Rick Santorum managed to invent an entirely new race of humans the blahs in the course of a losing battle with the English language as he backtracked on his comments that he doesn’t want to help black people with public assistance, Newt Gingrich took the opposite tack following his [...]
