guns
Texas Governor Rick Perry admitted to the press yesterday that he actually occasionally feels fear deep within his mighty, manful chest — fear of legless, poisonous reptile-monsters. This confession took place in the only context in which a male Texan is allowed to discuss vulnerability or emotions of any sort: as part of anecdote about [...]
Your Liz Glover made so many new friends today at the park near Ronald Reagan airport. At least several Real Americans spent their days there milling about the bucolic fields, ducking from airplanes, and showing off their favorite machines that exist to kill other human beings from a safe distance. This guy has two guns, [...]
Oh Jesus, she actually was serious about going to the national park wingnut gun rallies! Our own Liz Glover is currently performing some insane journalism at the Washington Monument and, more importantly, some park near Reagan airport, where the guns are allowed. Hordes of wingnuts are shootin’ down all the planes before the Iceland Smoke [...]
A bunch of paranoid gun fanatics will gather today at two federal parks on the Virginia side of the Potomac, taking advantage of new federal legislation signed by President Barack Obama, and using a federal park permit, to protest the federal government taking away the rights of paranoid gun fanatics to brandish their weapons and [...]
Today’s “U.S. military guy attacks U.S. military base in U.S.A.” story comes from Texas, as usual. Some airman was apprehended just before he shot up a residence building at Sheppard Air Force Base just outside of Wichita Falls. Nothing noteworthy about that, but today’s chapter of Enlisted Men Vs. America features the comical dueling news [...]
“A tortured history of Obamacare?” No no no. Barack Obama is a total yellow belly: He always reads histories their Miranda rights. [RedState] Car theft. Rape. Same thing. Get over it. It’s Kansas. [Think Progress] Do you have naughty dreams at night about organizing Jonah Goldberg’s collection of Star Trek dolls (from tallest to shortest, [...]
PETA is furious at beloved Iowa Rep. Steve King, presumably for not using his rocket launcher to waste this Crazy Raccoon. [Raw Story]
New Zealand, the “Australia of the South Pacific,” is very upset with the guns its troops are using in Afghanistan. The American-made guns feature inscriptions that refer to passages in the Bible. Reports the Washington Post: “Markings included ‘JN8:12,’ a reference to John 8:12: ‘Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, “I am the light [...]
If you were considering skipping this year’s Safari Club International Annual Hunters’ Convention, starring our country’s first white president George W. Bush, ho ho ho, three words for you good sir: “Also Liz Cheney.”
Millions of D.C.’s hippest Twitterers coordinated a massive cross-street snowball fight at the major intersection of U & 14th streets NW today, to regale in the fruits of God’s most terrifying thundersnowstorm from Hell. A victory for spontaneous social network organizing! Or not? Because at some point during this apocalyptic spectacle, a frustrated undercover cop [...]
Anyone who has ever been on an Amtrak train—especially during rush hour or the onset of holiday weekends—knows how much better things would be aboard that train if passengers were allowed to bring guns on it. Any and all conflicts would be basically pre-solved, because whoever wins is just whoever has a gun, see? Anyway, [...]
This Random Guy Running For NJ Governor Will Take Back His Loaded Gun From The Rental Car Now Please
Meet, Chris Daggett, the hidden third candidate running for governor of New Jersey. Oh but get this: He made the silliest mistake ever the other day when he went to return his rental Acura and forgot that he left his loaded gun in the car. Cupholders! The gun apparently belonged to his driver, a retired [...]
You know who’s a badass? This guy, Dean Allen, Republican candidate for state adjutant general (oversees National Guard-y, emergency management stuff). Just look at the way he pulls that trigger on his AK-47!
A group of important politicians, including Senators Harry Reid and John Ensign and also the beloved waitress-assaulting alcoholic buffoon Governor Jim Gibbons, gathered ’round uncomfortably to dedicate a new 2900-acre shooting park in Clark County, Nevada yesterday. Ensign reportedly “gazed into his lap, fiddling with his wedding band, turning it this way and that, slipping [...]
