Wonkette

New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol’s youth and young manhood was exactly this: Manhattan prep school, Harvard, more Harvard. Since then, he has devoted his career to sending other young people to die in catastrophic wars based on a false ideology of pre-emptive regime change. But as he notes in his column today, despite these great achievements, he can’t write an adequate commencement speech! MORE »

Being a “college journalist” is impossible. You, a hot-ticket Harvard teevee anchor, cheat the system and land some big interview, thinking your ultra-famous star subject will expect softballs from the college kid. Defiantly, you plan to ask some tough, racy questions to hit your subject offguard. Then you get to the interview and realize that you’re talking one-on-one with Karl Rove and are going to ask him about John McCain’s black baby. Awkward! [YouTube]

Blake Gottesman, the former personal aide and hand-sanitizer pimp to President Bush, got into Harvard Business School even though he never graduated from college. And now he will divulge his “leadership secrets” at a super-exclusive, by-lottery-only “Brown Bag” luncheon for students at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government on April 2! (We are not sure what these Brown Bag affairs are, but we are pretty sure it will come up in the Matos-McGreevey divorce proceedings.) Our double-secret undercover operative informs us that “a grand total of two ‘lottery’ slots have been claimed.” Hurry up and claim your spot, K-Skool losers! You have till midnight tomorrow. [John F. Kennedy School of Government]

Hey now, who’s that in the picture? That’s Governor of Prostitutes Eliot Spitzer with his wife, Silda Wall, on the cover of 02138, “the lifestyle magazine for Harvard influentials.” They graced the “Power Couples” cover once in the past, in the dreaded Winter 2007 issue. They both graduated from Harvard, you see, making them “Harvard influentials,” like Wonkette associate editor Sara K. Smith. But Sara K. Smith does not have sex with prostitutes. [02138; photo by Jake Chessum, Capsule Studio, New York]

At left, Emily Lamont, 19-year-old daughter of Connecticut Senate candidate Ned Lamont, is snuck up on by a nefarious beer funnel-wielding fellow Harvard student (as found by IvyGate, who are either for or against Ivys, we’re not sure). Ms. Lamont surely refused to partake in the illicit goings-on that followed. MORE »

The guy’s already been the subject of plenty of ink (how many profiles do we need before the press realizes we have a pretty good idea of the importance of Purell to our germaphobe President?), but Time delivers what might be the quintessential “this kid’s going places” story about Presidential personal aide Blake Gottesman. Gottesman, a 26-year-old college dropout, is described as being of one mind with the President, which should be a surprise to absolutely no one. We almost feel bad for the guy, considering that he’s had about 12 pieces written about his proficiency with hand-sanitizer and long-ended relationship with Jenna, but then we recall that his job’s hardest responsibilities include deciding which tchotchkes to save for future library inclusion and remembering which Eddie Bauer catalogs the President hasn’t seen yet. And he makes more than us. Oh, and the Harvard thing. Little bastard. MORE »

Harvard Student writes best lede of career, all downhill from here: MORE »

• Reliable Source: Tipper Gore at the premiere of “An Inconvenient Truth”: “It ends with a message of ‘we can do it.’ [Al] doesn’t want people to go from denial to despair.” Moby, Lynda Carter, and Queen Noor were in the audience. . . Euan Blair is reportedly deciding between Yale and Harvard graduate programs. . . Ted Kennedy, Mary Cheney, Barack Obama, Tim Russert, Gary Hart, Pat Buchanan, Ariana Huffington, Karenna Gore Schiff, Cindy Sheehan, and Jim McGreevey are all making appearances at BookExpo 2006. . . Sean Penn to play Richard Clarke in upcoming film. [WP]

• Rush & Molloy: Halle Berry on Barack Obama: “I so love what he stands for and respect him so much that when I met him, I was a bit shaky.” [NYDN]
• Cindy Adams: Chelsea Clinton was seen paying for her dinner with a “tall, lean dude.” [NYP]