heart attacks
Did this guy die after this speech? We are too scared to check Google News to find out.
George W. Bush broke ground on his presidential library of children’s book boxed-sets packed with plush characters Monday, and look who was on hand. Why, if it’s not the Angel of Death himself! Yes, Dick Cheney, who does not have a pulse, we remind you, was on hand to show everyone his hott new well-toned [...]
Some doctor man (don’t get near Glenn Beck!) wrote about Dick Cheney’s Polly Pocket robot heart in today’s The New York Times, and it turns out Dick Cheney no longer has a pulse, though he is stubbornly still alive. Dick Cheney’s blood now just flows continually, like the River Styx. He doesn’t need your lowly [...]
New York Yankees owner Geroge Steinbrenner keeled over and died of a heart attack this morning to the amusement of baseball fans everywhere. He was 80 in terms of human-years and is best remembered for breaking the hearts of children across the country for decades by taking their favorite players and giving them ridiculous amounts [...]
And here we all were thinking “chest pains.” We should have known that for Dick Cheney, mild chest pains are actually mild heart attacks, and doctors have now determined that he did have one of these yesterday — his fifth! But he didn’t die so you all can make fun of him. (David Denby would [...]
