Hearts
DICK CHENEY HAS GONE SOFT. All you need to do is look at this screengrab from the Today show. Yes, that’s him discussing Angry Birds, a smartphone game commonly played by people who don’t have millions of brown people at their fingertips to murder at will. It’s a sign that his body’s evolved venom sacs, [...]
Lamestream media types are always speculating when/if Dick Cheney will club another homeless child to death and then steal his vital organs, so that Cheney will be able to live an extra week. (The media also enjoys asking if Andrew Breitbart likes boys.) Anyway! America’s most frightening former vice president says he is facing “end-stage [...]
George W. Bush broke ground on his presidential library of children’s book boxed-sets packed with plush characters Monday, and look who was on hand. Why, if it’s not the Angel of Death himself! Yes, Dick Cheney, who does not have a pulse, we remind you, was on hand to show everyone his hott new well-toned [...]
Dick Cheney is still alive? Yes, and his wife interviewed him. She asked the obvious questions (“So, how does it feel to steal another orphan’s heart, so that you can live for an extra three weeks?”): The former vice president appeared frail and noticeably thinner during a weekend Q&A at the Bakersfield Business Conference in [...]
Some doctor man (don’t get near Glenn Beck!) wrote about Dick Cheney’s Polly Pocket robot heart in today’s The New York Times, and it turns out Dick Cheney no longer has a pulse, though he is stubbornly still alive. Dick Cheney’s blood now just flows continually, like the River Styx. He doesn’t need your lowly [...]
